Comments on: Friendship in the social age

By: Tiara the Merch Girl

Tiara the Merch Girl — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 03:02:20 +0000

This is why I really don't like when Facebook or Twitter says “XYZ is no longer your friend”. No, they're just not connected to me on those websites, but that doesn't mean we can't still be friends! The term's really been devalued, and drama has happened between people who take the term “friend” on a site like Facebook very seriously and people like me who use FB/TW/et al as kind of an extended address book of interesting people.

Friendships are super important, but the flippant way social media treats th relationship really isn't helping.

By: EllieDi

EllieDi — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 01:45:49 +0000

Oh, also, I found the best way for me to deal with FB spam is to permanently block all applications and to change my email settings to minimal levels. Sanity (partially) restored!

By: EllieDi

EllieDi — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 01:44:42 +0000

The last few months have seen me want to pull back from social media, even as I grow a new site with which I'm hoping to reach scads of people. I haven't liked Facebook in about five years, but I maintain it because it's the primary way I can keep up with my mom and brother now that I've moved to a different country. I killed my MySpace and my Livejournal (two moments of silence observed) to try to cut down the chatter, which has helped some. But I still feel the nagging guilt that comes with Twitter, my personal blog, and (sometimes) Facebook. My need to unplug and get real is getting overwhelming.

[That "How to Care for Introverts" image made me smile and feel pretty good. INFJ FTW.]

By: Carlie

Carlie — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 21:55:01 +0000

Reading the “How to care for Introverts” excerpt reminds me a lot of the good ole' Meyers-Briggs test that identifies a little bit about how our personality works. We just did this in my office and it reminded me that sometimes your feelings of being overwhelmed by social network stimulation are not merely a product of your introversion. One of the four descriptions in the test is whether we are a thinker or feeler. I, as a fellow feeler (I am assuming you are one as well), takes everyone's emotions into consideration when making a decision to try and have a harmonious vibe between all involved. This can cause issues when you are trying to do what is best for you though, so I know how you feel….

….all of that to say that we should do what is best for us. In my life, living by the friends and family rule has kept social networking enjoyable, especially with the addition of the HIDE button. :)

By: Frances

Frances — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 17:24:50 +0000

Facebook is for friends and family. Some are more distant than others - I have some high school buds I haven't spoken to in years and people I met while traveling. I have very very few URL friends on my facebook.

In real life I have a small group of people I go out of my way to see and facebook seems to be where the last thread of friendship can reside. Once they're off my friends list, I'm unlikely to ever catch up with them again. I do a cull every few months to remove those I no longer need/want. I try to keep my list on or less than 100.

I follow about 120 people/companies/things on twitter and even that feels overwhelming sometimes. I get chewed out if I use the internet too often at work and I don't have an internet phone, and once I've missed a few hours on twitter I'm completely out of the loop. If people constantly fill my feed with crap I delete them.

By: Frances

Frances — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 17:24:50 +0000

By: Salirian

Salirian — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 16:59:03 +0000

I crave interaction on my social networking sites – lj, fb etc. My facebook has my name, so people can find my quite easily, and I tend to friend them, and then just get sick of the games etc and the people who don't care about my life, and to be honest I don't really care about them, and so I pare it back. And I feel bad. And I ummm and ahhh about who is important. I figure if I need to ummm and ahh then they should stay there, until the time when I don't even need to consider.

I admit, it can hurt when you get culled. Especially when you feel like you had a connection to that person, and didn't see it coming. For me this is more related to online friends, more than those that I see. I dislike the argument that it is just the internet, because people still invest themselves in these online relationships. And I bet some of my online friends know more about me than ones I see face to face. But ultimately, I understand where they are coming from, might ask them if everything is, and deal with it.Like you do when real life friends move and don't tell you. Heh. personal experience much?

By: Kate

Kate — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 15:45:13 +0000

I don't think it's the action of a “bitch” to pare back your social network. Privacy is the new black and wanting to have thousands of “friends” who aren't actually your friends is the hallmark of the insecure.

Have an amount you can deal with and fuck the rest. If they get offended, then they wanted to get offended…and you don't need “friends” like that.

By: Paigemoi

Paigemoi — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 15:10:26 +0000

i too have too many “friends” and have resorted to hiding some peoples' feeds… this allows only my true friends through on a regular basis & i can still go visit the hidden friends' walls, when i feel like learning what they had for lunch, etc….you could also set up a second account w/ maybe your first initial, middle name, last name for just family and true friends…good luck

By: kathryn

kathryn — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 13:55:09 +0000

I've only just joined twitter but am finding it a bit much – maybe it's just the ppl I'm following but the same thing retweeted over and over plus it's awfully spammy. I was going to cancel my fb altogether but my Japanese school uses it to send msgs etc so have only kept it going for that reason.