Fa(t)shion February – Wherein I get my head squeezed.

28 February, 2011

Outfit photo of me, fat and pale skinned, standing in a garden. I'm wearing a white t-shirt with black and white flowers around the necklice, a rust coloured a-line skirt and mary jane crocs with sunglasses.

It’s the last day of Fat(t)shion February and even though I don’t feel like telling you about this day or the clothes that covered me throughout it, I feel like I need to. Because some days I don’t want to pick clothes to wear. It’s just too hard. Some days I just pull on random things just to pass for minimally clothed because other things are on my mind; and instead of being pathologised as lazy or sloppy I want to represent me as far more complex than a t-shirt and a skirt. I want to be represented as a human being with mental illness and other shit going on instead of being minimised or demonised. So I present you with my last Fa(t)shion February outfit. It’s not for high fashion, it’s just for representation.

So I went for my first session with a new psychologist today. It was hard and I’m sure it’s not going to get easier before a bit more hard stuff. I think it’s important to be realistic. I’m not sure how long my patchy blogging will continue for, or if I find a rhythm in routine. I’m trying not to feel guilty about it but it’s very hard to shake off. I don’t know if I’ll write about it here because it’s quite personal but I’m sure it will inspire tangents that get written about.

A photo of me with my hands poses like claws. Am I a monster?!

I usually deal with things by smiling, being goofy and shrugging things off. Unlike water rolling off a duck’s back, these things fall into a big box in the back of my mind that I promptly forget about and deny. The pressure to appear like everything is ok, everything is fine, really gets to me. The therapist said I might be a perfectionist and I cried, “but I never manage to achieve perfection no matter how hard I try!” He scribbled on his paper and nodded saying, “well… that might be something we have to talk about later on.” I’m just like an onion with the layers and the stinging eyes, and oh dear!

Outfit photo of me in the white t-shirt and rust skirt doing a small dance movement for I don't know what reason.

So yep. I managed to wear clothes today, thanks to Mum for giving me the t-shirt last night and pulling this long neglected DIYed skirt out because I liked the colour. It’s not fancy and it’s not totally fashionable but it’s my life.

T-shirt: Kmart (I think?)
Skirt: Made by me
Shoes: Crocs
Sunnies: Valley market vendor

You Might Also Like

  • <3

  • Guest

    All the best with your new psychologist Natalie, I really hope it helps you.


  • Stephania

    Good work Natalie. Seeing someone new can be very daunting, but it can open up new doors. I guess take this opportunity to learn more about yourself and gain deeper insight to yourself. Just remember to love yourself through the whole process and be that unconditional source of love to yourself that you need. :)

  • Anonymous

    Heh, I wish that was me on a sloppy day. You look very pretty. Really.

    Kudos for seeking help. I hope it goes well.

  • I can totally sympathize. There are lots of days that I just don’t want to be bothered to make sure what I’m wearing doesn’t invite looks of disgust or judgment. Its bullshit that we do live in a culture that refuses to give folks the space to work through their lives without also wanting them to dress “appropriately”. Sometimes I just have to accept that I am feeling like a salty bitch, and thrust myself out into the world. Everyone deserves to go about their business just as much as anyone, reguardless of how they dress.

    And I love the monster picture. It really really really made my day!

  • Moe

    Cute skirt. I can’t believe how nice the weather looks there. Makes me long for spring. Wish I could skip the in between snow and rainy part that we get.

  • Superpana

    He skirt is fab – do you have a pattern you used for it? I’ve been looking for a great simple skirt pattern.