A watercoloured drawing of a hand holding a huge ice cream cone with nut sprinkles. Text says "Get your bacteria", and "FRESH" in a starburst.

A watercoloured drawing of a brown skinned babe who has long green hair and horns, and is throwing up a middle finger. Text says "Wild & Free".

A watercoloured drawing of a fairy floss bouffanted white skinned babe with heart cheeks and a poked out tongue.

Side note: Before anyone asks (eep!) I’m not doing these small watercolour drawings by commission/ request for the moment. They’re just personal pieces. Sorry to disappoint, but I’m not terribly confident I can do a good job and well… commissioned art earns me very little money because people (understandably) don’t have much money to spend on original art. It’s important for me to have some ~reduced pressure~ art practice time too, so I can work on improving.

Without delving too deeply into all that super raw stuff, here are some drawings I’ve produced. The first two are commissioned digital illustrations of Lillian and Jaimielee (the Fancy Bonanza winner); the rest are further explorations of ugly/ vain/ amazing/ perfectly cromulent embodiment.

Illustration of Lillian, who is fat and pale skinned, wearing a sheer black blouse with a red polka dot pencil skirt and red shoes. She stands on a checkerboard walkway in space!

Illustration of Jaimielee, a fat babe of colour with orange hair, helping her fluffy white dog Muscles stand up in the middle of a suburban street. Jaimielee wears a blue chevron striped top with a grey cardigan and blue jeans; Muscles wears a cute grumpy puppy face.

Illustration of myself (with longer blue hair) wearing a disdainful look upon my face and a singlet that says "Don't invalidate my ugly."

Illustration of a fat babe with brown skin and candy pink hair standing astride a yellow bike with a basket full of flowers, books, food and a white puppy.

Illustration of a babe with white skin, zits and huge honey coloured hair looking in a hand mirror. A speech bubble above says, “Look at yourself!” and text on the mirror says, “Stop looking at yourself.”

As I got more into fat activism I started to realise that the problem wasn’t me, it was this construct of beauty, and while it was nice to know it might not all be my fault… it still didn’t feel good to embody ugliness and to be treated poorly because of that. Not everyone has thought me ugly, but those that haven’t (and do not) surprise me!

As a blogger posting photos of their outfits it feels like ugliness still holds me back – because when I look at the most popular bloggers, they all embody and uphold traditional beauty standards and practices. I do not. The other day I was thinking about this, and trying not to blame myself for not being a beautiful and successful blogger, and I realised that maybe embracing ugliness was an answer. I will never have smooth skin. I doubt I’ll ever shave regularly again. I have visible tattoos, piercings, stretch marks, and scars. I am fat. I am not particularly graceful. I laugh loudly. I don’t cross my legs. Yet I still identify as femme, because it’s important to me to embrace a femmeness that challenges my culture’s screwed up notions of femininity and beauty.

Illustration of a fat person in a pink polka dot bra and undies with stretchmarks and hairy legs sitting above a banner that says "Ugly femme pride".

I don’t have to be beautiful, and I don’t owe it to anyone either. It took me two years to fully understand this after first reading Lesley Kinzel’s Uninvested in Being Beautiful. I was so struck by this epiphany today that I decided to draw it. UGLY FEMME PRIDE!

A photo of people walking past lots of crafty market stalls.

We took a look at the markets today mostly because our new GC pals Heiko and Lilly were holding a stall for Heiko’s work, but also because I feel like I’ve been getting a bit too insular! It was so nice to go and see what local artisans are making and selling, and now Nick thinks it’d be cool if I sold my work at the market too! I don’t know how receptive most people would be to my more activisty products, but it seems the punters love knick knacks and whatnots so I’ll have to have a think about the kind of things I can make and sell for a market audience.

A photo of cut out illustrations, a mysterious black figure with a H and a kind of scary/ zombie koala beneath it.

Six prints of Heiko's illustrations.

Bunting with Heiko's illustrations on each flag strung across his stall.

A bowl of Heiko's tiny badges sitting on calendars.

Heiko said he’ll be at the markets next fortnight too, so if you are local and want to buy some awesome art stuff for people you must go!

A stuffed owl toy by Sisterhood Sewing in pink fabrics sitting inside a pink ring with vines wrapped around it.

A screenprinted wall hanging by Beneath The Sun with a fat merman surrounded by seaweed.

Nick and Miffy standing in front of a huge Burleigh Heads State School emblem painted on a brick wall.

An outfit photo of Miffy and I standing amongst trees; I wear my crochet top over a green singlet with a diagonally stripy maxi skirt and a big black hat.

Yellow flowers and peach flower buds on a tree.

A photo of Miffy and I standing in front of a colourful beach mural with a rainbow and hearts with nice values in them.

Crochet top: Yours Clothing
Singlet: Autograph
Skirt: Yours Clothing
Shoes: Evans
Hat: Seafolly (I think)

In recent years social media websites have emerged that enable users to curate huge collections of images, and it’s been through sites like Tumblr and Pinterest that I’ve noticed this lack of marginalised embodiment. The optimist in me who thought that social media and the internet would allow for better access and representation has been proven incorrect, it’s never been more obvious that our western media’s normalised body (remember: thin, white, slim, young, cisgendered and able bodied) is so imprinted on our brains that we only see subjects in art and images with that body as beautiful or aspirational. So the art and illustration on Tumblr that is most reblogged and liked is basically the same kind of image seen in the mainstream media.

My POC, disabled, queer, and fat friends say, “but where am I?” Is the problem that image makers aren’t producing images with a diverse range of people as subjects? Does that mean that I as an image maker am part of the problem? I think I might be, for all the image of fat people that I create, I definitely know that I do not make many images of POC; this is my white privilege in action. I could be trying harder. So in order to improve my creative practice I asked my Tumblr friends to submit outfit photos of themselves for me to draw.

This project is probably going to be a very long-term one, because my objective is to improve my technical skills and portray a huge diversity of embodiment.

Image - illustration of afrotitty, a fat brown skinned babe, wearing an animal print sweater and a short black skirt with black fishnet tights and flat shoes, carrying a bright red bag.

Image - a digital illustration of ashrussell, a fat pale skinned babe making a joyful face, bunching up the skirt of a black dress with a blue cardigan and green tights.

Image - a digital illustration of Tiffany, a fat brown skinned tattooed babe, wearing a pink t-shirt, black pleated skirt with floral tights and black sandals, holding a large brown envelope bag.

Image - a digital illustration of nudiemuse, who is fat and dark skinned, wearing a black jacket and dress which she holds up to show off purple and black striped tights and the most badass lace up boots.

Image - a digital illustration of Heidi, who is fat, tattooed and pale skinned with pink and purple hair, wearing a khaki sleeveless dress and navy slip on sandshoes.

At the moment I have quite a huge collection of self-submitted images that I am working from, and I’m also going to offer custom illustrations for people to commission in my shop. Submissions for my Fat Babes Illustrated project are welcome, primarily if you are fat, a person of colour, disabled or queer. The difference between the two is that if you submit your photo to my reference collection it may or may not be used in my project; and if you purchase a commissioned illustration I will definitely complete your portrait, and you will get a high resolution file to print for yourself.

That my life’s decisions could spin off in fractal like directions and send alternate mes off chasing them gives me ample excuse to gaze longer at my navel. What crucial decisions have bought me to where I am today, and am I solely in control of those forks in my paths or do other people’s influence on me also influence my paths? (Um, yes I think so most definitely!)

It sounds like I’ve just come back off a mushroom trip, but it inspired me to illustrate three identities. Two I know to be true and I experience them every day, but one is more fun… a Differnatalie in a parallel universe.

An illustration of me as definatalie, posing for an outfit photo wearing a blue jacket, red skirt and longer hair, making a fun happy face.

An illustration in bland colours of Prime Natalie sitting on a couch looking at a phone. She has spots on her face and chest.

An illustration of Differnatalie in bright fluro colours sitting on a fancy chair, with short white hair, tattoos, a short pink dress and fishnets.

I have ideas for more alternatalies, most of which are the identities I know I have in this universe. There’s probably a billion others in other universes.

Ok, back to reality now, thanks for indulging me!

A pen drawing of objects like blouses, dresses, shorts, bike tights, a satchel, swimming togs, sunglasses, marker pens etc. Lettering says, "Things I want but can't afford right now."

I’m trying really really hard not to let this drawing thing go, but I have a feeling I over-did it yesterday. That’s the sort of thing that I’m really good at, I throw myself into something until I burn out! I’d rather not burn out, in fact it kind of scares me, so I will try to take it easy today. This drawing was my warm up, things I want to get before summer starts. It was quite calming drawing this list because I usually forget things I need or, if I have money, I spend it on things that are unnecessary!

Maybe I can draw more lists as warm ups in the future. How about:

• Things in my drawers
• Favourite art tools
• Objects on my shelves
• Stuff on Nick’s desk
• ????? (I’ve run out of ideas!)

A pen drawing of a chai latte surrounded by cupcakes, cinnamon sticks, tea leaves, ginger plants and plaits weaving around them all.

A pen drawing of a cut tomato and a whole tomato, some truss tomatos, basil and garlic.

Then I finished off the top drawing and almost immediately after started doodling tomatoes. I’ve kept these illustrations uncoloured and unshaded because I’ve decided to keep drawing my cravings and see if I turn out enough to fill up a colouring book!

Bella by Greg James: A sculpture made of what looks to be bronze of a woman sitting on a table in a green bikini and flowers in her hair as she stares out to the sea. People are sitting at the seats looking out to the sea, seemingly ignoring the sculpture.

The Swell Sculpture Festival at Currumbin Beach has been showing for the last fortnight but we only got out to catch it yesterday morning, before it closes today. We took Miffy with us because there aren’t many art events you can take your dog to! We are bestowing on her an education in the creative arts, primarily teaching her not to pee or poo near or on the art. We walked up and down the beach, stopping to look at sculptures and greet other art-loving dogs, and at the end of the walk we all sat down in the shade of a tree sipping our cool refreshments.

I wish I’d taken one of the booklets so I could have more information to accompany my photographs but please enjoy these snaps and my probably incorrect and uncultured descriptions. It was a super sunny, hot day and looks gorgeous in the photos but trust me, the sand was hot and the sweat was dripping!

War Ears by Pat Hoffie & Stefan Purcell: A huge orange binocular looking structure sitting on the beach.

So many more photos are beyond the cut!

A yellow lifeguard tower against the blue sky.

POD by Erica Gray : A detail photo of a sculpture that looks like a hession sack with small openings slit in the sides.

Welcome to Paradiso by Alejandro Polo: A gold or bronze small palm tree standing upright on the sand with the ocean and another sculpture, Vanessa Stanley's Your Altered Gaze, sitting behind.

Welcome to Paradiso by Alejandro Polo detail: The golden fronds of the palm tree against the shockingly blue sky.

Journey Music by Mariana Martin: A cluster of tall pin like protusions in the sand and people walking in the middle of the sculpture.

Your Altered Gaze by Vanessa Stanley: Nick and Miffy stand in front of a circular frame filled with circular mirrors that reflect different views of the ocean, some warped.

Your Altered Gaze by Vanessa Stanley detail: My reflection in two of the mirrors as I take a photo, the beach and sky behind me.

Who Cares... by Steve Bristow: A life size dolphin sculpture lies in the sand tangled in net, scarred and bloody.

Green foliage against the blue sky with bonus sun flare.

A Passion for Patience by Christina Khumari: A circular, kind of spider web type piece of crochet is strung between two large trees with the beach behind it.

A Passion for Patience by Christina Khumari detail: Close up photo of this piece reveals a spider web structure made with large beads, the sun shining through it makes the beads look like drips of water.

State of Square by Fatih Semiz: A sculpture made up of a star shape outlines that reduce in size to nothing in circular shape. Sort of looks like a slinky that disappears into nothing!

Passages by Erika Mayer & Tom Koch detail: Blue and green frosted glass blobs that take on lots of organic forms, some look like single cell organisms blown up.

A piano on sits on the grass under a tree as passers by come up and play it. A sign on the piano says "Play me."

Wait and See by Julia Birch: A large brown turtle hoisted up by a flag pole type structure and floats in the sky with the wind.

Transient Migration by Anne Leon: Tall sticks with red, orange and yellow long thin flags sit on a dune with Currumbin Life Saving Club and the beach behind.

An orange and green gelati and iced coffee truck with people lined up waiting for delicious, cooling refreshments.

Listen to a Pipe Dreaming by Christopher Trotter: A curly silver pipe emerges from the sand dune and an ear piece extends towards the sea.

The Rebirth by Cezary Stuglis: Welded stainless steel humanoid figures crawl out over the dunes, some have fish scales and one has a large funnel through its torso.

Miffy lies panting on the shady grass with a cup of water next to her.

I haven’t done much drawing in the last six months, even though I’ve really really wanted to my cognitive abilities have been severely diminished. When I thought about what an elaborate donut might look like, I really wanted to draw it. So I started drawing, bit by bit. Then I added more and more until it looked like a new coat of arms for me!

A pen illustration of three sprinkle-topped donuts stacked on a unicorn horn that is held up by four fat babes and surrounded by a deer, a unicorn, licorice allsorts, diamonds and bacon. Text says “The most elaborate donut ever” and Miffy the little dog runs in front wearing a top hat.

I don’t know if I can adequately convey how proud I felt to finish this drawing but if you are a maker of things, you might have some idea. Lots of things pop in and out of my head and most of them are forgotten, some of them are written down and a miniscule percentage are actually acted upon. To pull tangible things out of your brain is a painful experience and requires concentration, revision, memory, composition, editing and diligence. In my current situation this is made even more difficult, so being able to put my elaborate donut down on paper feels like a massive achievement.

Lots of people ask me if I’d ever do a colouring book of my drawings and in the past I never gave much thought to it, but this drawing seems more like the type of thing that might be enjoyable to colour in. I’ve been colouring Nicole Lorenz’s Fat Ladies in Spaaaaace book over the last few weeks and loving the hell out of it, so when people responded so positively to this drawing on Tumblr and asked if I would make a colouring book… I started to think that I might actually pursue the idea.

What do you think? Would you like to colour in my metaphorical food cravings?