Browsing Tag

desktop

Art, Mental illness

~tortured artist feelings~

11 September, 2012

Illustration with purple clouds and the text “I’m so sad. What do I do with all this sad?” written in orange and surrounded by rain/ tears.


I’m really fed up with the tortured artist trope. People have said it about me since I was a teenager, and while it’s true that I am kind of a bit artistic and also depressed as fuck, the latter does not positively affect the former. If this were the case I’d be a lot further along in my artistic practice and career.

My craziness has affected me to the point where I can’t leave the house most of the time, let alone go to ~cultural events~ and network with local art people. Making connections is incredibly difficult for me. It’s not that I’m shy, I actually really resent being called shy, it’s that I am overcome with panic whenever I try to do certain social/ professional things. When I say panic, I don’t mean butterflies in my stomach. I sweat. I don’t perspire. Sweat rolls down my face, I get flustered, I forget how to form words and I get disoriented and dizzy. People don’t tend to react favourably towards a leaking, bumbling mess, and so I end up compounding panic with the fear of looking ridiculous. And so on and so forth. I only found out there was a name for this a few years ago, and it’s called Social Anxiety Disorder.

So I don’t go to art events, I don’t hang around with arty types, and I rarely get to immerse myself in discussion and critique. It’s frustrating. Every few months I descend into despair over my worth as a person who creates things, in addition to my worth as a human; but it’s balanced out by hypermanic episodes of frenzied sketching and creating. So it’s ok I guess. My psychiatrist says I might have Bipolar 2. I was put on Lamictal (lamotrigine) and for the first time I felt almost balanced, but now I am experiencing very familiar depths and all creating has halted.

This is my life since 15 and from now on, and that’s very difficult to come to terms with. I don’t wish to receive advice when I talk about my health (I want to emphasise that mental health IS health), I just think it’s important to talk about it instead of feeling ashamed. I try to talk about it, but it’s a struggle, because people’s responses pretty much always fall into one of the following:
* unsolicited advice (try this diet! meds don’t work!)
* redundant platitudes (chin up! be positive! it could be worse!)
* conversation terminated awkwardly (and usually the relationship)

So don’t do that. Thanks.

Illustration with text “Jam sandwich club” surrounded by jam splatters, a jam sandwich, jam donut, jar of jam and jam on a crumpet. A faint piece of bread is in the background.

What I am trying to do is be gentle with myself. I have started to learn ACT techniques, and it’s challenging remembering them but I’ve made a start. I wrote a list of steps I want to take towards sorting some of my drawing feelings out, and that made me feel less hopeless about my creative situation. My plan is to focus on research as well as technique, and to draw every day. Even if it’s simple.

So that’s what I’ve done for the last few days. I hope I can keep it up. These vector illustrations aren’t super slick or fully rendered but they’re something.

Illustration with two roughly cut out photos of manatees that look like they’re about to embrace with “Manatee hugs” above them.


People seem to like this one. You can download it to use as a desktop picture if you like!

Free Stuff

December, the last desktop.

1 December, 2010

A computer wallpaper with paisley doodling all over the background in turquoise ink with three choral inked shapes (for holding icons) and a fancy "December" written in the middle.

I don’t really do Christmas and it’s hard to know what kind of colours will best suit all around the globe for these desktops, but I settled on a lovely turquoise, coral and canvas colour scheme for December’s desktop because it’s one of my favourites. It reminds me of the beach… hot sand, cool water and sunburn!

This design is actually going to be my last in the monthly desktops. Over the last two years I have drawn 24, can you believe it? It’s been a fantastic exercise in finding my aesthetic, without it I really don’t think I’d have found a way to integrate my drawing style with my graphic design style. In the future I will probably design desktops when I have down time, and they’ll be the kind of thing you can use any time of the year! I may even revisit some of my favourite desktops from the past two years and make them appropriate all year round.

So go download a resolution!
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Wallpaper for iPhone (320×480)
Wallpaper for other phones (240×320)





I spend around 12-24 hours on each desktop, inking and drawing each element before scanning everything and pulling it all together in Photoshop for each desktop resolution. If you’d like to throw in a couple of bucks to contribute to the time spent drawing each desktop as well as my general hosting costs for definatalie.com and my flickr account, your donation will be much appreciated. <3


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
You may not upload this desktop to other websites, nor may you use it for any other purpose than to wallpaper your desktop. This also means it’s uncool to alter it and reupload it somewhere as your own work.

Free Stuff

It’s November and I’m on time!

1 November, 2010

Preview image of green and blue dark fishnet patterned wallpaper  with gold textured frames hanging from the top of the image. A big loopy lettered "November" sits in the centre.

November is here and I’m already planning for my 30th birthday (in December)! We should be having hot and humid sunny days but recently all we’ve had is storms so the mood for this month’s desktop is a bit thundery. I’m also continuing my fishnet obsession. It’s all I want to draw!

Get your resolution right here:
1920×1200
1920×1080
1680×1050
1600×1200
1280×1024
Wallpaper for iPhone (320×480)
Wallpaper for other phones (240×320)





I spend around 12-24 hours on each desktop, inking and drawing each element before scanning everything and pulling it all together in Photoshop for each desktop resolution. If you’d like to throw in a couple of bucks to contribute to the time spent drawing each desktop as well as my general hosting costs for definatalie.com and my flickr account, your donation will be much appreciated. <3


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
You may not upload this desktop to other websites, nor may you use it for any other purpose than to wallpaper your desktop. This also means it’s uncool to alter it and reupload it somewhere as your own work.

Free Stuff

Don’t dream it’s Oct-over (groan)

5 October, 2010

The preview of my desktop for October in action - Purple scrunched up silk with pale green paisley doodling around the borders and October written in chunky script.

If I sneak in and deposit these desktops right here, no one will have any idea that they are five days late…. right?! Unfortunately, no. I know you’ve been waiting and I’m so sorry for the delay. My sister got married and I’ve been doing all manner of things but now October can officially begin!

The fabric texture you see here is actually a scan of the silk dupion used in my wedding dress. No, it wasn’t purple! It was red! I tweaked the colours ;)

Get your resolution right here:
1920×1200
1920×1080
1680×1050
1600×1200
1280×1024
Wallpaper for iPhone (320×480)
Wallpaper for other phones (240×320)





I spend around 12-24 hours on each desktop, inking and drawing each element before scanning everything and pulling it all together in Photoshop for each desktop resolution. If you’d like to throw in a couple of bucks to contribute to the time spent drawing each desktop as well as my general hosting costs for definatalie.com and my flickr account, your donation will be much appreciated. <3


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
You may not upload this desktop to other websites, nor may you use it for any other purpose than to wallpaper your desktop. This also means it’s uncool to alter it and reupload it somewhere as your own work.

Free Stuff

Free to loving homes: your September desktop

4 September, 2010

Desktop wallpaper in watermelon colours, with a hand lettered "September" across the middle.

September is here, only four days late… can you forgive me?! I hadn’t forgotten, it’s just I was busy you see and I have a funny feeling the first few days of the month are going to set the trend for the next few weeks. The colour inspiration is quite obviously taken from a juicy watermelon, one of my favourite fruits of all time. Pretty and delicious!

Don’t delay, start downloading your desktop right now:
1920×1200
1920×1080
1680×1050
1600×1200
1280×1024
Wallpaper for iPhone (320×480)
Wallpaper for other phones (240×320)





I spend around 12-24 hours on each desktop, inking and drawing each element before scanning everything and pulling it all together in Photoshop for each desktop resolution. If you’d like to throw in a couple of bucks to contribute to the time spent drawing each desktop as well as my general hosting costs for definatalie.com and my flickr account, your donation will be much appreciated. <3


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
You may not upload this desktop to other websites, nor may you use it for any other purpose than to wallpaper your desktop. This also means it’s uncool to alter it and reupload it somewhere as your own work.

Free Stuff

August desktop, horah!

2 August, 2010

Hand drawn desktop design with green toned starburst, clouds, paisley and bunting with a banner saying "AUGUST".

Down this part of the globe it’s been the 1st of August for a whole day and I hope you won’t hold my tardiness against me. Maybe you’re only just starting the month in your part of the world? Then I hope I’m posting this in time!

I quite like august as a word in its own right, if you’ve never heard it used before here’s a definition:

au·gust

   /ɔˈgʌst/ [aw-guhst]
–adjective
1. inspiring reverence or admiration; of supreme dignity or grandeur; majestic: an august performance of a religious drama.
2. venerable; eminent: an august personage.
from dictionary.com

1920×1200
1920×1080
1680×1050
1600×1200
1280×1024
Wallpaper for iPhone (320×480)
Wallpaper for other phones (240×320)





I spend around 12-24 hours on each desktop, inking and drawing each element before scanning everything and pulling it all together in Photoshop for each desktop resolution. If you’d like to throw in a couple of bucks to contribute to the time spent drawing each desktop as well as my general hosting costs for definatalie.com and my flickr account, your donation will be much appreciated. <3


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
You may not upload this desktop to other websites, nor may you use it for any other purpose than to wallpaper your desktop. This also means it’s uncool to alter it and reupload it somewhere as your own work.

Free Stuff

The clear blue skies of July

28 June, 2010

Computer wallpaper for July featuring black background and white and light blue doodling as well as places to put your icons.

I’ve been doing a bit of drawing and experimenting for myself in the last week, and one of the things I’ve liked doing is drawing in white gouache over a black inked background. Doodling with a paintbrush is becoming a frequent thing for me because it helps relieve a lot of hand and wrist pain I suffer from gripping pens too tightly.

Flickr have changed their layout recently, so I hope that you can still grab the resolution you need like usual. If you’ve got any issues with downloading do let me know.

1920×1200
1920×1080
1680×1050
1600×1200
1280×1024
Wallpaper for iPhone (320×480)
Wallpaper for other phones (240×320)





I spend around 12-24 hours on each desktop, inking and drawing each element before scanning everything and pulling it all together in Photoshop for each desktop resolution. If you’d like to throw in a couple of bucks to contribute to the time spent drawing each desktop as well as my general hosting costs for definatalie.com and my flickr account, your donation will be much appreciated. <3


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
You may not upload this desktop to other websites, nor may you use it for any other purpose than to wallpaper your desktop. This also means it’s uncool to alter it and reupload it somewhere as your own work.

Free Stuff

It’s June already!

1 June, 2010

June desktop demo

I always think I’ll get these desktops done early but I rarely do, my months just seem to get busier and busier! Today I can offer you June’s wallpaper but a few hours late – or not at all if your particular part of the world is still clinging to May 31st.

Pick a resolution!
1920×1200
1920×1080
1680×1050
1600×1200
1280×1024
Wallpaper for iPhone (320×480)
Wallpaper for other phones (240×320)





Your donations are much appreciated. <3


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
You may not upload this desktop to other websites, nor may you use it for any other purpose than to wallpaper your desktop. This also means it’s uncool to alter it and reupload it somewhere as your own work.

Free Stuff

All things seem possible in May

28 April, 2010

May Demo

May is such a lovely month here in Brisbane. The air gets a little crisper but the sun is still strong and it’s perfect weather to read a book in the sun. Because many of you are from the other side of the world, I am mindful not to make my designs too southern hemisphere oriented, but I selfishly want to considering northern hemisphere people are rarely mindful of us! I bought new turquoise ink and wanted to use it to create a desktop that encapsulated the nip in the wind and the warmth of the sun that I find so charming at this time of the year in Brisbane. I hope it translates for you, wherever you are in the world!

These desktops are especially dedicated to Mark and Tee, who donated flickr pro accounts to me when I couldn’t afford to pay to extend my pro time. Thank you so much guys, you really saved my ass and helped get these desktops up this month.

Choose a resolution and step into May two days early (I am well organised this time!)
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1920×1080
1680×1050
1600×1200
1280×1024
Wallpaper for iPhone (320×480)
Wallpaper for other phones (240×320)





If you really like the desktops I’ve done and enjoy using them, you can now donate a little bit of money if you’re inclined to do so. Now, I feel a little bit awkward about doing this but I’ve had a lot of people encourage me to put a donate button on here for months so I’m just going to go with it! Your donations are much appreciated. <3


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
You may not upload this desktop to other websites, nor may you use it for any other purpose than to wallpaper your desktop. This also means it’s uncool to alter it and reupload it somewhere as your own work.

Free Stuff

April is not so cruel after all!

3 April, 2010

April desktop demo

It’s been April for a few days now, and I’m awfully sorry for the tardiness of this month’s desktop but I have been so busy! I will never complain about being busy though because as a freelance artist busy-ness THRILLS me.

Choose your resolution, fine folks:
1920×1200
1920×1080
1680×1050
1600×1200
1280×1024
Wallpaper for iPhone (320×480)
Wallpaper for other phones (240×320)


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
You may not upload this desktop to other websites, nor may you use it for any other purpose than to wallpaper your desktop. This also means it’s uncool to alter it and reupload it somewhere as your own work.