An outfit photo of me, fat and pale skinned, wearing a dress with a mauve/ purple/ cream/ olive dot pattern, a lot of brown bead necklaces, and a thin belt with black sandals. I'm standing with Miffy, who wants her outfit photo taken too.

This morning we decided to go out for lunch and I had a dressing dilemma. Summer is a terrible sartorial period in my life because it’s so damn hot and for some reason I don’t have a very cohesive summer wardrobe. I have made a few patterned skirts but none of them go with the tops that I have! I pulled out the dreaded dress and decided to give it another go. Without anything to around my waist/ under boob area (the two are basically the same place when you have a short waist) it just made me feel very frumpy and un-finished. I pulled a studded belt out of the top of the wardrobe and put on as many beaded necklaces as I could find, and found it infinitely more wearable and less frumpy in my head. I hate wearing belts that just float around, and I really resent the designer for making this dress loose fitting from the bust line, but this is basically the best way I feel I can wear this dress.

My dress struggles reminded me that even though I (or you or anyone) can fully reject something (like the principle of flattering clothes) in theory, in practice it’s a far harder thing to carry out especially when we’ve had acceptable body shapes and sizes drilled into our heads. In some ways I feel like a hypocrite, but being gentler and more tender with myself is probably a more productive and workable approach. No fat or body acceptance activist is perfect, we all make mistakes, and sometimes we practice things that fall outside what we preach. How can I expect myself to be a perfectly radical activist in every way when I’ve grown up in the very culture I am questioning? I am not objective, I am subjective; we shouldn’t give the objective viewpoints more weight in most circumstances, we should be giving voice to the lived experience of hardship, struggle and oppression. I am feeling these shitty feelings we’ve been taught to feel. The most powerful thing is stopping for a second to listen to my self talk, then questioning why I feel the need to comply. Talking about it with other people helps a great deal, and it’s one of the reasons why I write about being fat and wearing clothes on this blog.

An outfit photo of me picking up my necklaces with one hand and the skirt of my dress with another, in a very carefree sort of "I'm a blogger lalalala" kind of way.

So I chose the option that made me feel less shit about myself in this case. It’s not perfect, but it’s one of the things I have to do in order to wear clothes as per my societal contract as a human being living in a city in Australia. I chose the option that made me feel like I’d be less of a target. As a fat person who is deathfat and can not hide it, my body is hyper-visible; I felt like I’d be less of a target for people to stare at and yell things at. I also chose the option that made me feel much better about a purchase I made, because I don’t have access to a diverse range of options in a size 24-26.

A photo of Miffy reaching up to give me a high five (with both paws because her front legs are adorably tiny).

A photo of my face, smiling in a kind of very forced way.

A photo of my legs and feet standing on grass sprinkled with red poinciana flowers. I'm wearing black studded sandals.

I get lots of feedback and questions about being fat and trying to be a “good activist” all the time, and honestly, I have no idea what a “good activist” is. The best human being I can be is a transparent, tender, forgiving, accountable being; and when it comes to an area of activism like body image that is so personal and emotional, the best activist thing is kind of a false aspiration. Seek to question, critique and be accountable but also be super loving and forgiving and remember that nuance is incredibly important. If you struggle with hating your body or participating in hurtful practices but love the idea of fat and body acceptance, you are not alone. There’s lots of us standing in front of mirrors every day battling this stuff, wondering if a belt will compromise everything. But it doesn’t.

Dress: Piper Woman
Shoes: Annie (via Shoebuy.com)
Belt: From a Yours Clothing dress
Necklaces: from a variety of forgotten places
Bangles: City Chic

A photo of fat necklaces in white, red, silver mirror, green and blue.

“Does it say something? What does it say?”
“It says FAT!”
“Oh!”

Ordinarily I would jump in to explain defensively, just why I had the audacity to sell necklaces with THAT WORD cut out of pretty colours in fancy letters; however I just smiled and nodded. I’m a bit tired of feeling sheepish about fat and that’s why I made these necklaces, but I realise how awkward I still feel about the F word outside my community. It’s just a word, right? No it’s not just a word. It’s an identity. It’s my body. It’s a rebellion. It’s my attitude. I don’t want to feel defensive about this part of me but it’s hard when I’ve been taught that this word, this embodiment, is so taboo.

It’s a reminder that fat acceptance, or self acceptance, isn’t a destination. It’s lots of little steps, it’s sitting down for a while to reflect on how far I’ve come, and it’s the chub rub between my thighs from making it to this point.

An outfit photo of me with shoulder length blonde hair extensions wearing a white singlet with a red knee length skirt and a denim jacket.

No, this isn’t a photo from two years ago, and my hair hasn’t magically grown… it’s from Wednesday and I’m wearing hair extensions! Nick and I met up with Dr Lauren and Isaac from Griffith Uni to discuss our involvement in an exciting fat studies project, and as Nick took these photos we had Isaac taking photos of us and Lauren taking photos of him taking photos of us. It was all rather meta.

A portrait photo of me with the hair pieces in my hair and a blue scarf wrapped around my head. The hair is pinned half up and the ends sit on my shoulders in very loose curls.

I’ve been having a hair crisis for the past few weeks and having dyed my almost white hair back to brown, I actually added blonde back into it because I received some Lady Jayne hair extensions in the mail to trial and review. The colour of the extensions didn’t match my dark hair at all so I went in search of a streaking kit and enlisted Nick’s help in my DIY hair salon. I’m not a huge fan of proper salons, as you might know, and mostly always play around with my hair at home. Fortunately I’ve had a streak of successes recently (instantrimshot.com) and was pleased that my home dye job was a pretty good match with the hair pieces I was sent.

A photo of me from the back/ side, the extensions are half piled on the top of my head.

When I first clipped in the extensions I was pretty alarmed because my hair is so short at the back that they don’t blend at all. I experimented with pinning a few sections up loosely and decided to go with it! I’m sure with a bit more time I could style them a bit more neatly, with a little back coming and strategic pinning, but I’m always a fan of messy hair. For a seamless result with clip in hair extensions, it’s probably better to have more length in the back.

The Lady Jayne extensions are synthetic hair, and while they can’t be dyed they can be heat styled up to 210˚C. I own a set of very expensive extensions that I could probably dye to match my current hair colour, but I’m loath to touch them for fear of ruining them! What I noticed about the difference between my set and these Lady Jayne hair extensions was that the latter seems to be a lot fuller and thicker, with clips all along the top and two at the bottom of base of the extension. I used two of the 30 cm hair extensions in golden blonde and they didn’t move all morning, even though my hair is about 2″ long at the back and I didn’t backcomb it before clipping the pieces in.

As I wear the extensions and figure out how to do different styles with them I’ll post updates; I’m pretty excited to have longer hair again, even if my natural hair is a touch too short and I have to play around with the extensions so it doesn’t look like I have the most ridiculous mullet ever.

A photo of Miffy standing on grass, smiling for the camera.

An outfit photo of me, fat and pale skinned, wearing a white singlet top, red knee length skirt and denim jacket with black flats.

A side view of me in my outfit, as I pull a gleeful face.

I bought this red skirt for $4 from a local op shop (or, thrift shop for overseas folks). I’ve written a list of all the op shops in our area and I’m going to be hitting them up over the next few weeks to decipher which ones are rubbish and which are worthy of revisiting. So far, the only one worth going back to is the one I bought this skirt from, Salvos at Palm Beach. They have three and a bit racks of plus size clothing, and while it’s not all great it’s good fun to look through.

The second photo up there is one I had Nick take especially for an awesome new Tumblr called Fat From the Side. It’s all about showing fat bodies from, uh, the side because most outfit photos only show bloggers from the front and when many people see their own bodies from the side, or in other angles, they feel uncomfortable. So I’m going to make a concerted effort to include more angles of my outfits on here from now on! We have three dimensional bodies, dammit, and the front 180˚ isn’t the whole picture.

Singlet: Sara
Jacket: New Look
Skirt: Salvos
Shoes: Evans
Necklace: Made by me
Scarf: Swap

A photo of a room full of people moving about and holding up clothes that are piled on tables.

A photo of Kat holding up a cream dress, there's a board full of colourful jewellery just in front of her too.

A photo of Ava Savage (I think! Let me know if I've got your name wrong!) holding jeans up amidst the clothing swap bustle.

A clothes hanger full of jackets and coats in different fabrics and textures.

A pair of pink/ orange opal looking plastic earrings on the jewellery board.

I took the opportunity to do a massive wardrobe purge for the swap, and brought along a lot of plus size clothing. I tried to get the word out on Tumblr, Twitter and Facebook and to encourage more plus size people to come along but there weren’t many of us! I was happy to pass my clothes on to other people without looking for swaps, because I am minimising in preparation for the move, but I wished there were more people there I could have given my clothes to. (All the unclaimed clothes are going to Lifeline so at least they will be getting an influx of my quality plus sized clothing!)

Today reminded me again that I have a body that has been sidelined by our culture. If you wear plus sized clothing, you get closed out of a lot of spaces. Physically, medically, romantically, in your career, and in terms of fashion. I love the idea of clothing swaps but have experienced just how difficult it is to encourage fat people to take part and I think it has a lot to do with feeling that we’re not welcome and that there will be nothing available for us. In the future I would love to help organise swapping events that cater specifically to people who wear plus size clothing. In addition to providing a space where people will feel like they know they can swap clothes in their size, it would also be a more comfortable space. Even though I wasn’t swapping today, I did pick through the piles of clothing and found little for me. To be fat is to take up space, and when you’re not involved you can feel like you’re in the way, and that’s another barrier for fat people when it comes to clothes swap events.

My experience today was not an isolated one, and I think if we can develop a strong sense of local community amongst feminists, activists, women and fat people, we can work together to make more comfortable, resourceful and meaningful spaces. I see some fabulous fat activist communities working together to build resources for clothing and swapping in the USA particularly, and pine for that kind of community here in Australia, particularly in Brisbane. Even so, I do have a network of supportive fat activists and friends here in this city and I know I will grieve that when I move.

Oh and here’s what Zoe and I wore today, representing the fat femmes of Brisbane!

An outfit photo of Zoe, fat and pale skinned, wearing a short black dress with a lace collar, grey cardigan, purple tights and floral Doc Martens. She has a hand in her hair and looks down, very lookbook.nu!

An outfit photo of me, fat and pale skinned with short blonde swoopy hair, wearing a black velvet long top with a grey tie dye maxi skirt knotted over black tights with black sandals.

Top: New Look
Skirt: Made by me
Tights: We Love Colours
Sandals: Spendless
Necklace: Made by me
Bag: Dangerfield

We walked into a few boutiques in Fortitude Valley and I felt like my imposter feelings were magnified. I looked at accessories and even the rings and bangles didn’t fit me. The shop assistants either glared or crowded around us asking if Zoe and I were hairdressers because of our “edgy hair”. One touched my tattoo, actually tracing around it with her finger. It was not a nice feeling.

It just makes me feel even more motivated to create spaces that make people feel good and not isolated or ostracised! Can I build a kick arse, supportive, size friendly community down the Gold Coast? Are you living on the Gold Coast? Do you crave this like I do? Gosh, please get in touch!

So I made him into a super hero, Dastardly Donut. He sounds villainous, yes, but his enemy is actually diet culture and people who say rubbish things about fat people. In this installment he takes on pityporn, specifically the fat pityporn bonanza that is The Biggest Loser.

[Image - A screen shot of a Brisbane Times blog post entitled "Why is fat such a fractious issue" with a fat blue-clad superhero type figure standing down the bottom saying "What's this? Some fat shame and concern trolling?"]

[Image - A comic split into three panes. The first is a close up of our superhero's face and shoulders, he has a donut on his chest, and he thinks "I thought we already told that guy about fat people not being his PITYPORN". In the next column that guy, John Birmingham the author, standing in a starburst saying "Chill out; I used to be fat; No fat kids; If I can do it so can you!" Oh and his t-shirt says "I heart Michelle Bridges" (a Biggest Loser trainer). The third pane is a super close up on our hero's eyes as he says "Err..."]

[Image - A digitally drawn speech bubble saying: A. My body does not exist to provide a cautionary tale; B. What if your kids get fat regardless of what you feed or deny them?; C. Your experience is yours. Don't assume it can apply to others; D. Fat people have feelings!]

[Image - An illustration of our superhero standing one arm raised and speech bubbles saying: "Fat hatred isn't helpful. It can stop fat people from seeking medical help, finding enjoyable movement and it makes them sad! So like, stop that."]

[Image - An illustration of a vanilla iced donut with a banner saying "The End" wrapping around it.]
I did this in like an hour and it’s the first comic I’ve ever made. EEP.

Elizabeth wrote an excellent response to Birmingham’s post and you should go read it for more back story. I’m not linking to the original post because it and the comments are absolutely awful!

So, maybe I’ll trot Dastardly Donut out again… whenever and wherever injustice prevails, any time and any place!

Note – You might have noticed I’m putting image descriptions underneath every image, this is going to be happening from now on. While I have been writing these descriptions within the image html, I want to ensure maximum accessibility and inclusion. Here is why!

If you’re sad you missed out on a necklace, don’t even worry about it – I’ve opened up pre-orders! You’ve got until next Monday (October 18) to place an order for the colour of your choice. Horah!

Place your order over at the shop right now to avoid disappointment :D