definatalie.com

I want to take a moment to appreciate and respect some of the fantastic people who have influenced me in the arena of body acceptance. When I started using the internet, it was more than just a mass of information ping-ponging from server to server, it was a means of finding and communicating with people who were like minded, and because I have always felt like the odd one out it was really important to me that I have access to the internet. From a young age I was interested in social justice and human rights, but it felt like all the people in my “real life” thought I was crazy, or a bleeding heart liberal (which ever is worse?!)

I’ve said before that identity and styling always intrigued me, and while I have struggled with body image and identity I never really hated myself. I knew my struggle was against societal conditioning, not me, so when I came across fat positive people in the late 90s and early 00s, it was an amazing feeling knowing that I could plug into these networks and NOT be thought of as awful just because I was fat.

A lot of the role models I list are from the last five years, because I’m sad to say that I have lost contact with (and forgotten names of, sadly) a number of friends and admired people that I knew in the earlier days. If any of them stumble across this entry, I just want to thank them for their support, encouragement and enlightenment.

Beth Ditto

It goes without saying, but Ms. Ditto is a phenomenon. It’s not often that I can rave about a celebrity and admire pretty much all of their persona, their art, what they say, and how they carry themselves but Beth Ditto ticks all the boxes for me. Plenty of people have said that they can’t stand how she strips down to few clothes during performances, or that she behaves in a generally unladylike manner, but they are revolutionary acts she carries out in a world that pooh-poohs women for not being whatever enough. I like it. Screw being ladylike, own yourself!

Kelli Jean Drinkwater

I don’t know much about Kelli Jean, but I know that she rocks. She’s a performer, actor, model, film maker and an all-around champion of fance. Currently she’s in Sydney causing havok, so if you see any events she’s associated with CHECK THEM OUT AND REPORT BACK TO ME!

Marianne Kirby

Participating in the fatshionista Live Journal community was hugely challenging for me, but it has also been incredibly rewarding. I am pretty sure I butted heads with Marianne in her moderating role a few times in the early years, but after I read the book she wrote with Kate Harding (Screw Inner Beauty in Australia, Notes from the Fat-o-Sphere in the US) it dawned on me that some of the things I was clinging to, that I would defend tooth and nail, were hurting me and holding me back. Like pretty much everyone in western society, I would judge other people and validate myself by putting others down. My defensiveness was a pretty natural reaction to being challenged on this, but I’m glad Marianne challenged me. I am a happier person within myself for it.

Lesley Kinzel

Lesley is another moderator of the fatshionista LJ community, but also runs fatshionista.com. Even when I was a complete defensive twat Lesley would respond with warmth, humour and compassion and she really did inspire more of that sort of thing in me. I was so honoured when we started talking via Twitter, and she even put my blog on the fatshionista.com blogroll. Pretty daggy, I know, but that’s the kind of honesty Lesley inspires. The Boston Globe is even backing up my recommendation, with a huge article on the fantastic things this woman has done for Fat Acceptance on the internet. Go read it!

Thank you for being unashamedly you, and thank you for showing me that it’s ok to be unashamedly me.

I’m so glad ess_jay posted this on twitter. INCREDIBLE.

It makes me wish I had turned my 8 really hard steps video into a narrative, but I’m the sort of person who helps people illustrate stories not write them! Anyhoo, go watch!

I have been absolutely OVERWHELMED with responses to “How to love yourself in 8 really hard steps“, so I want to maintain some of the body image vibe in my blog from now on. In this post, I want to share one of my secrets to feeling confident and loving myself – and it’s just a simple matter of taking a photo of myself! I have been following flickr groups like wardrobe_remix, Fatshionista and No More Mumus for a while, and on the odd occasion (when I’ve remembered) I submit a photo. I really love to put my outfits together, and even though I don’t have any kind of budget for designer stuff, I still feel great about myself when I wear things I feel comfortable and awesome in. My main failing has been consistency – often I’m running late enough as it is to be bothered with pulling out my tripod, or trying to get Nick to take a photo of me where my head isn’t cut off!

I think photographing and documenting our outfits has so many benefits. I’m slowly learning to pose myself – something I’ve always had difficulty with. Usually I’m the girl who pulls a face in a photo! I think photographing your outfit can also help you to find peace with your body shape and how you look to everyone else. I take inspiration from other flickr outfit posters, especially from the plus size groups, and find myself becoming bolder because of the influence I take from people like tootsicle, 52 stations, Girlchile and pining for the moon. I’m also an avid reader of The Musings of a Fatshionista and Young, Fat and Fabulous – Christina and Gabi are amazing fashion role models for me, who take HUGE risks. I bought wet look tights the other day just because I heard Chris chanting “DO IT DO IT DO IT” in the back of my head.

So from now on, I’m going to make a concerted effort. My friend Sonya, of the No More Mumus blog, really inspires me because she consistently takes photos of her amazing outfits and posts them to flickr. I don’t go out a whole heap, but I’m pledging to myself that when I do dress up – I’m going to take a photo. Hell, if I’m going to the shops and I’ve pulled something together that makes me feel great, I’m going to take a photo of that too!

Some tips for taking photos of your outfits:

• Use a tripod if you have access to one.
• If you don’t have access to a tripod, use a human being who can take directions well.
• If you don’t have a tripod or a human being, find somewhere you can prop your camera at about eye height.
• If you have a remote, use it! Disguise it by putting it up your sleeve, or putting your hands on your hips.
• If you don’t have a remote (my new camera doesn’t!) use the 10 second timer.
• Turn your camera around so it’s of portrait orientation. We want to see your head and your feet!
• Try to put yourself in a place where the light is behind the camera, not you.
• If you take photos during the day, and you’re in a well lit area, don’t use the flash. If you can’t avoid the flash, that’s ok! Just ensure we can see the details, colours and textures in your outfit.
• Try not to have distracting things in the shot. I’m pretty guilty of this, so I’ll forgive you quicker than others
• Take photos from a few angles – front, side and back! And include detail shots of brooches or your shoes. I love outfit posters who do this!

I have been so busy lately, but I want to tell you about a few purchases I’ve made in the last few weeks – from We Love Colors, Yours Clothing and Evans. But I need to create a few outfits first to fully illustrate them – so hold tight, they’ll be coming soon!

Body image has always been something I’ve been interested in and at uni it took the guise of identity and styling, or the ways in which individuals dress themselves in order to assume an identity. In my last 10 years as a fat woman who has never felt ashamed of being fat, I have thought a lot about how anyone who isn’t slim manages to style themselves. It isn’t easy, but it isn’t impossible, and I’ve found it a kind of delightful challenge to style myself as a woman who fits into anything between an Australian size 20-24. I’ve had a particularly privileged journey to body acceptance, because I’ve had loving family, friends and partners along the way as well as access to incredible resources online. For many people, it’s not only difficult but upsetting, and when I’m asked how I can love myself or how I can help them love themselves… I’m often at a loss.

I figure though, that I’m in some kind of special position to help guide people to a place of contentment and, gasp, love when it comes to their bodies. In the past few weeks I’ve even begun to think that I could be some kind of coach – so this post is my first draft: A guide to loving yourself in 8 challenging but rewarding steps!

1. Talk about your body.

I think one of the reasons why so many people are ashamed of their bodies is because they aren’t really sharing what actually goes on. It’s all about normalisation – share all the fun stuff, the scary stuff and the downright weird stuff with your friends, family and children so we don’t treat ourselves like alien entities.

2. When someone compliments you, just say thank you.

Don’t have a ready-prepared quip specifically designed to disarm the compliment giver. A compliment will not hurt!

3. Question the things you used to take for granted.

When you hear a report on tv or the radio about the obesity epidemic, question where they got their information from. The American study that is so oft quoted figured the number of deaths from obesity at 400,000 but unfortunately none of the media agencies pulled their flailing arms out of the air when that figure was brought down to 25,814. That’s a huge revision, and while the CDC released the revised number, the media and marketing people clung to the hype (interesting article from the Skeptical Inquirer). Turns out, reducing the “Obesity Epidemic” to a load of bunkum doesn’t make anyone money. Question every thing you see and hear about the Obesity Epidemic OOGA BOOGA – you usually find that the people funding these studies have fingers in a few interesting puddings (eg: those nutrient devoid Weight Watchers desserts!)

4. Don’t assign good or bad values to food and exercise.

When you eat something because it’s “good” or exercise because it’s “good” you’re just punishing yourself. Do things that you actually factually ENJOY and the reward will be twofold. Listen to your body and it’ll tell you the things it needs to eat, and the activities it needs to partake in. This is one of the key parts of Health At Every Size – by “honouring your body” you’ll consume things that you’re absolutely besotted with, and move because it moves you.

5. Wear clothes that fit you and make you feel good.

Shame is the worst way to motivate yourself, and it will work against you by letting you down AND making you feel bad. And feeling bad is not the objective here – feeling fabulous is! Clean out your wardrobe and dump every single item of clothing that makes you feel bad about yourself. Do not keep items aside because you think you’re going to fit into them one day – give them to someone who can actually wear them! Hold a swap party like I did, donate to your favourite organisation or give special things away to special friends.

6. Think about activities you’ve always wanted to do but have been too scared to try – and do them.

Take joy from moving your body in ways that you actually take pleasure in, and get out of the rut of thinking that you only need to go to a gym or use home equipment. This is not about “having to” it’s about “wanting to”. By doing what you want, you’ve got an inbuilt motivational mechanism right there. So many people wonder why they end up wasting their gym memberships – it’s probably because they don’t actually enjoy it. So find something you absolutely love! Join a roller derby team or a synchronised swimming group, learn how to ice skate, or go rock climbing. Move in ways that make sense to you!

7. Don’t weigh yourself.

In Screw Inner Beauty, the authors sum it up perfectly: if your clothes fit the way they did yesterday, you don’t need to freak out. Throw out your scales – they are just little electronic demons squatting in your bathroom, making you feel rotten.

8. No negative self talk.

This is a hard habit to break, but once you tell yourself that you’re going to be on the watch for negative self talk, you’ll notice that you can usually flag yourself as you’re thinking terrible things. Tell your friends and family that you are a “negative self talk free zone” – and you won’t put up with negative self talk from yourself or from them! I extend this to “no diet or weight loss talk” but it depends how far you want to go. I consider weight loss talk to be incredibly harmful, and forbid it from my conversations.

9. Bonus (and compulsory) step: Tell yourself you are awesome.

Look in the mirror, do a little dance, and congratulate yourself for being fricking brilliant.

Never think that those who accept their bodies never have a moment of doubt, because it’s only human to have those low moments. What gets easier is bouncing out of those low times. I’m not even going to begin to kid you on this: changing the way you perceive your body is incredibly hard work. The alternative is the status quo, so you may as well start today because you’re just wasting time! I strongly believe that every person is capable of loving and honouring themselves and that we all have the right to at least give it a burl!

I held my first ever clothing swap on Sunday, and even though the numbers were down it was still a success. Everyone took home something new (to them!) and we all had a fabulous time trying on clothes and shoes and making silly outfits. I got the idea from Screw Inner Beauty, in which Kate Harding and Marianne Kirby talk about clothes swaps as a way of weeding out the clothes from your wardrobe that make you feel bad about yourself. You know, the “I fit into these for five minutes back when I was 17″ sort of garments that you only hold onto as a sick kind of motivation to lose weight.

If you’ve known me for five minutes, you’ll have probably seen me launch into a tirade within seconds of someone mentioning diets or weight loss, because I feel very passionately about every person accepting and loving their body in this present moment… NOT if they lose weight and NOT if they manage to fit into something. I think Health At Every Size has the potential to not only do wonderful things for body image but for health – mental and physical.

Because I’ve had quite a few years worth of exposure to the Fat/ Size Acceptance movement, I figured that I may as well host a body positive clothing swap despite my party hosting fears (what if no one comes? etc!) I’m pretty glad I did host the party, because it made me feel like I had primed a few more minds for loving their bodies. In my opinion, when people push aside their conditioning and start to fully accept themselves, it’s when the most amazing transformations happen. I’ve seen it in myself, and I’ve seen it in friends and people I’ve met online through various forums and communities. Through honouring our bodies, it’s like we flip a switch and instead of honouring what other people think and societal limitations and conditioning – we start to do things we’ve always wanted to do. For instance, I have longed to run but it’s only this year after meeting Sue, a personal trainer that I introduced to Health At Every Size, that I have discovered I can run. I am strong. I can do all these wonderful things with my body that society has told me I shoudn’t be able to do.

So, it might be just fashion, but it’s something a lot of people care about, and it’s a key part of styling “the self” and sculpting our identities. The fashion industry has the potential to exclude individuals, but if we work together we can pool resources and make each other feel good. Thank you to Sonya, Kat, Mem, Tash and Zoe for attending my little experiment, I hope you found some garments that make you feel great and a sense that you don’t have to abide by the limiting body, fashion and identity rules that we’ve all been subjected to.

I hope to be involved in hosting these swaps every once in a while, and to stage swaps on a much larger scale. Sydney has the Swap ‘Til You Drop event, but I want to organise a proper plus sized swap event in Brisbane! To be honest, I’m not even sure there’s a straight sized swap event in Brisbane, and while it’d be awesome to cover a whole gamut of sizes, I’m not sure how practical it would be to stage. Talk to me if you’ve got a venue or resources, I’m dead serious about making this happen! It’s my goal to make Brisbane the body positive capital of Australia (for now, and then I’ll move on to the other cities!)

Amaya asked me if I’d write up a post about the contraversial ad created by The Foundry for The Gruen Transfer’s Pitch segment. I said “heck yes” and put on my fat activist (or, FATSPERT!) hat.

You can read the post over at nerdgirlarmy.com – Gruening with flaws: fat acceptance in Australia.

In this exciting installment I divulge five more names from my list of the world’s up and coming awesome folk. They dabble in writing, modelling, designing, entrepreneurship, art and being pretty cool.

Heidi – writer and fat celebrity

Heidi has to be one of the sweetest and most honest people I have ever met, even if we’ve only hung out via email and IM and never shared a coffee. Over the past few years, Heidi is one of the amazing people who have provided me with support and love, not just for my career but personally and emotionally too. Last year I collaborated with her to create the “Pretty Face” t-shirts – a reaction to one of the lines often heard by fat people. Dammit, of course I have a pretty face, there are no buts! (You can buy the Pretty Face shirts from her etsy store!)

Chloe McGenn – artist

Chloe started painting last year, and I have been amazed at her progression! She paints cupcakes and animals and other things in a very whimsical and colourful style, and is now selling greeting cards with prints of her original artwork on them.

Anekie – model and designer

Ms Anekie is a most delightful young lady, with various talents that extend to being incredibly photogenic and creating beautiful garments. She also has a kick arse sense of humour – something I rate very highly! See the dress in this photo? Anekie made it and modeled it, and Kate took it… it’s amazing to know I live so close to such talent.

Jesha Rowlands – t-shirt entrepreneur for Owl Movement

I have only known Jesha for a short period of time and already knew how great she was, but it was only recently that I discovered that she ran Owl Movement: a t-shirt company that specialises in chronically adorable gear for your top half. Because I am totally the sort of person who is impressed by this kind of thing… Owl Movement’s shirts have been worn on tv shows like Veronica Mars, VH1’s Best Week Ever and Top Chef!

Natalie Tan – illustrator

I met Natalie through Tumblr only in the last few months, but I very quickly came to adore her personality and her illustrative style. There’s a lot to be said for young women who put it all on the line, and I think Ms Tan’s star will rise pretty high because of her kick arse attitude.

Photo by Kate O’Brien

I haven’t spoken much about body issues here, or about how I’m a fat advocate, but I figure this is as good a platform as any to discuss my own issues with fatness*. It is not acceptable to pick on, alienate, ostracize or discriminate against fat people, and I’m continually astounded that it’s still seen as totally ok to do this – within the media and on a person to person basis. One of the things that really gets me going is the lack of a basic necessity for all humans who wish to participate in “civilised society” – clothing.

This year I have been focusing more on my fitness, and I have adopted a Health at Every Size approach to my exercising and general wellbeing. I don’t believe you need to be thin to be fit, and I’ve certainly proved to my new personal trainer that I am fitter than even she expected! I have been wearing a denim skirt to exercise in, but it limits movement and does not wick away perspiration. So I’ve been trying to find plus sized active wear… and surprise, surprise, it’s really hard. It makes me want to break my no swears rule! So instead, I’ll capslock…

WHY, IF SOCIETY WANTS ME TO BE THIN, CAN I NOT FIND CLOTHES TO EXERCISE IN? It just doesn’t make sense.

If alarmist news reports are worth believing, why is it still acceptable for retailers to relegate a mere 2 metres squared out of their hundreds of metres available to plus size clothing. Even worse – I have been into more than one retailer who puts the plus size clothes right next to active wear… WHERE YOU CAN’T BUY CLOTHES FOR EXERCISING IN A PLUS SIZE!!!!! I don’t get it. Are you trying to shame customers out of your store?! Do you not want my delicious fat dollar? That’s ok, I’ll take it overseas and buy things on the internet instead, even though I shouldn’t have to!

Another hilarious paradox is the odd abuse you’ll cop as an exercising fat person on the street. WTF? It’s hard to take the taunts seriously when you’re the dude who is literally treading the healthful path and your aggressor is sitting on their arse in a car (moving at 60 kph, what a chicken!)

Apparently there are retailers in the US who sell tights and sports bras online, but I refuse to accept that this is the only option. I am on a mission to bring well priced, great quality active gear for plus sized humans to Australia. If you can help, I would love to hear from you. If you are an Australian retailer already covering this angle, your marketing is not working. I can help you. (Also, I’m not talking about bike shorts that go to size 20 because the size bracket for fatness goes well beyond that – fatter people want to wear proper active wear as well!)

I have lots of fat friends. If you do right by us, we’ll do right by you! The Fatosphere is wider (lol) than designers, retailers and manufacturers realise.

* If you even think about commenting to tell me that fat is unhealthy, I will probably mock you into oblivion. Read this first and come back when you can comprehend your own bigotry.

I present to you four more of the most awesome people around, including a musician, burlesque star, jewellery designer, writer and photographer! They all have my seal of approval

Sharon Walker – jewellery designer for Kittycat Black

Sharon’s polymer clay sculptures caught my eye years ago, and I got to know her through our hugely irregular but always fun Stitch n Bitch sessions. She is a huge role model for me, being incredibly focused and driven to make her business succeed and caring for a growing family as well!

Chelsea – “Erin GoBraughless” with Big Star Burlesque

Chelsea is a hot redhead who performs with Big Star Burlesque as Erin GoBraughless, the daughter of a potato farmer and a whiskey heiress whose three passions include drinking, fighting, and dancing. I think Chelsea has huge balls to do what she does – recently she even performed in a bacon bikini!

Melissa Maples – writer and photographer

Melissa has a fabulous way with words, and she is my go-to lady on what I can and can not do with the English language (though I probably fall foul of these rules daily!) She blogs about living in Turkey, and posts photos of garments with hilarious slogans available for purchase by the discerning tee collector at her local bazaar as well as other very beautiful shots of Antalya and surrounding areas. Melissa and I are suspiciously similar in personality, which is probably why I think she’s so great!

Bryn Ridd – Twist Oliver, Twist

Bryn plays the synth for Brisbane band Twist Oliver, Twist, and has always been a lovely supportive friend. He manages to have the most fabulously groomed facial hair, and always makes me laugh! Bryn also does film, photography and painting. Oh is there no end to your creative scope, sir?

I have a lot of talented friends, and I only realised it when I sat down and thought about writing profiles on all of them to share with you here! I have friends who are photographers, artists, designers, models, performers, publishers, writers, musicians and activists. For most of these guys, I’m lucky to have fallen into their company as just a “friend” while others I met in a professional sense and then we developed a friendship. Because there are so many, I am going to break this up into a series of sorts, to allow you to digest the sheer amount of talent and creativity I have around me!

Tea Tasbihgou – jewellery designer for Sacré Coeur

I met Teayam online so long ago now! She does heaps of creative things – illustration, modelling and jewellery design. She recently started up Sacre Coeur, and creates steampunk styled accessories out of the most beautiful found objects. Of course, I chose the above image because there’s a paisley pendant in it, muahaha!

Mark Payne – artist and designer

Mark and I struck up a friendship on Red Bubble when he sent me a ffffound invite (no sorry guys, I still don’t have any and even if I did I’d give it to one of my mates!) Since then he has been one of the biggest supporters of my art practice – he even won the auction for my drawing at the Brisbane Twestival! His graphic work is beautiful – foreign worlds of fragmented and dizzying objects twisted like bright alien car crashes.

Kate O’Brien – photographer

I had the fortune of befriending Kate a couple of years ago when I was planning my wedding. I had admired her vintage-esque photographs for a while, and nervously emailed her asking if she’d like to photograph our wedding – she agreed and we became friends! She has also never done another wedding since

Ashley Moyer – fat activist and Chunky Dunk organiser

It may or may not come as a surprise, but I am fat and I am a fat advocate. Ashley is one of my fat activist friends: she has been a cheerleader and is running Chunky Dunk in Portland this year. Chunky Dunk events are private pool parties for people of size and their allies, and were started last year to provide a shame-free venue for swimming, bathing and bomb diving for fat folk. I really want to be Ashley when I grow up, and start Chunky Dunk parties here in Brisbane, Australia!!

Stick around for the next few days to cop a load of my other talented friends!