Without delving too deeply into all that super raw stuff, here are some drawings I’ve produced. The first two are commissioned digital illustrations of Lillian and Jaimielee (the Fancy Bonanza winner); the rest are further explorations of ugly/ vain/ amazing/ perfectly cromulent embodiment.

Illustration of Lillian, who is fat and pale skinned, wearing a sheer black blouse with a red polka dot pencil skirt and red shoes. She stands on a checkerboard walkway in space!

Illustration of Jaimielee, a fat babe of colour with orange hair, helping her fluffy white dog Muscles stand up in the middle of a suburban street. Jaimielee wears a blue chevron striped top with a grey cardigan and blue jeans; Muscles wears a cute grumpy puppy face.

Illustration of myself (with longer blue hair) wearing a disdainful look upon my face and a singlet that says "Don't invalidate my ugly."

Illustration of a fat babe with brown skin and candy pink hair standing astride a yellow bike with a basket full of flowers, books, food and a white puppy.

Illustration of a babe with white skin, zits and huge honey coloured hair looking in a hand mirror. A speech bubble above says, “Look at yourself!” and text on the mirror says, “Stop looking at yourself.”

An outfit photo of me, fat and pale skinned, wearing a dress with a mauve/ purple/ cream/ olive dot pattern, a lot of brown bead necklaces, and a thin belt with black sandals. I'm standing with Miffy, who wants her outfit photo taken too.

This morning we decided to go out for lunch and I had a dressing dilemma. Summer is a terrible sartorial period in my life because it’s so damn hot and for some reason I don’t have a very cohesive summer wardrobe. I have made a few patterned skirts but none of them go with the tops that I have! I pulled out the dreaded dress and decided to give it another go. Without anything to around my waist/ under boob area (the two are basically the same place when you have a short waist) it just made me feel very frumpy and un-finished. I pulled a studded belt out of the top of the wardrobe and put on as many beaded necklaces as I could find, and found it infinitely more wearable and less frumpy in my head. I hate wearing belts that just float around, and I really resent the designer for making this dress loose fitting from the bust line, but this is basically the best way I feel I can wear this dress.

My dress struggles reminded me that even though I (or you or anyone) can fully reject something (like the principle of flattering clothes) in theory, in practice it’s a far harder thing to carry out especially when we’ve had acceptable body shapes and sizes drilled into our heads. In some ways I feel like a hypocrite, but being gentler and more tender with myself is probably a more productive and workable approach. No fat or body acceptance activist is perfect, we all make mistakes, and sometimes we practice things that fall outside what we preach. How can I expect myself to be a perfectly radical activist in every way when I’ve grown up in the very culture I am questioning? I am not objective, I am subjective; we shouldn’t give the objective viewpoints more weight in most circumstances, we should be giving voice to the lived experience of hardship, struggle and oppression. I am feeling these shitty feelings we’ve been taught to feel. The most powerful thing is stopping for a second to listen to my self talk, then questioning why I feel the need to comply. Talking about it with other people helps a great deal, and it’s one of the reasons why I write about being fat and wearing clothes on this blog.

An outfit photo of me picking up my necklaces with one hand and the skirt of my dress with another, in a very carefree sort of "I'm a blogger lalalala" kind of way.

So I chose the option that made me feel less shit about myself in this case. It’s not perfect, but it’s one of the things I have to do in order to wear clothes as per my societal contract as a human being living in a city in Australia. I chose the option that made me feel like I’d be less of a target. As a fat person who is deathfat and can not hide it, my body is hyper-visible; I felt like I’d be less of a target for people to stare at and yell things at. I also chose the option that made me feel much better about a purchase I made, because I don’t have access to a diverse range of options in a size 24-26.

A photo of Miffy reaching up to give me a high five (with both paws because her front legs are adorably tiny).

A photo of my face, smiling in a kind of very forced way.

A photo of my legs and feet standing on grass sprinkled with red poinciana flowers. I'm wearing black studded sandals.

I get lots of feedback and questions about being fat and trying to be a “good activist” all the time, and honestly, I have no idea what a “good activist” is. The best human being I can be is a transparent, tender, forgiving, accountable being; and when it comes to an area of activism like body image that is so personal and emotional, the best activist thing is kind of a false aspiration. Seek to question, critique and be accountable but also be super loving and forgiving and remember that nuance is incredibly important. If you struggle with hating your body or participating in hurtful practices but love the idea of fat and body acceptance, you are not alone. There’s lots of us standing in front of mirrors every day battling this stuff, wondering if a belt will compromise everything. But it doesn’t.

Dress: Piper Woman
Shoes: Annie (via Shoebuy.com)
Belt: From a Yours Clothing dress
Necklaces: from a variety of forgotten places
Bangles: City Chic

A photo of two fat necklaces, one made out of purple hologram and the other of gold mirror acrylic, on black chain against a crocheted background.

A photo a fat necklace made out of gold mirror acrylic on black chain against a crocheted background.

A photo of a fat necklace made out of purple hologram acrylic on black chain against a crocheted background.

The pre-sale will finish next Friday March 25 2011 and then I will be ordering from my suppliers, producing necklaces and mailing as soon as I can. This time around I’m packaging the necklaces in boxes to protect them during shipping so the postage is a little bit higher but I hope that means that every necklace reaches its new home safely!

I’m sure I’ve posted the lovely work of Vessels and Wares before but when I saw this adorable cake stand I knew I had to include it in this week’s fance. I love how you can thread your own ribbon through the holes in the stand and match it to your cake decoration!

With the benefit of lots of time distancing me from this era, I can look at this photo and do a little air punch because it’s a pretty rad sight. But in reality, were these women just sideshow spectacles? I can’t find any info on this photograph through Tin Eye so I’m going to recognise the potentially problematic past while still admiring these fabulous women.

Slang from Chaos is one of my new favourite blogs because it’s just a barrage of awesome looking images. This awesome looking image in particular is fabulous because I love old packaging, especially on potions and lotions!

Let’s not tarnish this incredible moment with words. All you need to know is that Ginger Williams created this, for you.

So when I bought these boots from Evans I was envisaging my own 90s revival! It’s hard for me to believe that the decade of my youth is “in vogue” again, especially when it’s just 10 years gone. Oh well, I guess I’d better get used to this aging business!

Slip – from a dress Sonya gave me
Stockings – We Love Colors
Boots – Evans
Cardigan – City Chic
Necklace – WAIT A SECOND……………..

DO YOU LIKE MY NECKLACE? I like it a lot, probably because I designed it. I asked lovely Kim from Cupcakes and Mace if she would cut it into acrylic and Kim, being lovely, did an awesome job of it.

Because I liked it so much I got Kim to cut a very limited number of pieces. You’ll be able to buy one for AUD$25 from my shop in a little while but first I want to give you the chance to WIN A FAT NECKLACE!

In order to enter the giveaway, you don’t have to follow me on Twitter or subscribe to my feed or like me on Facebook… that’s just too much hassle.

How to enter:

1. Decide if you really really like the necklace.
2. Leave a comment below with your email address.
3. Tell me a story about the time you reclaimed the word “fat”.
4. Go about your daily life wondering if I select your story as THE WINNER.
5. Wait until I announce the winner next Tuesday (August 24 2010), sometime in the (Australian) afternoon.

The giveaway is now closed and a winner has been announced! Congratulations Catie!

The fabulous Bri modeling a grey marle long sleeved fat shirt from my Red Bubble store! Bri is speaking at the Fat Studies Conference in September with me and she’s raising money for travel and accommodation, being in the same position as me without sponsorship from a university. You can Chip In on her site, I’m sure she’ll really really appreciate it!

Here’s super spiffy Sam modeling the black fat tee from my Cafe Press store. I’m going to meet Sam in September at the conference too, because she’s the incredible organiser!

Natatree is yet another adorable Australian fatshionista holding a fat sticker from Red Bubble. Natalie wrote a great manifesto on being fat and reclaiming the word. Go have a read!

See how good the stickers from Red Bubble look! Thanks Natalie for sending this photo to me :D

COMING SOON
Something really exciting. I’m going to do a giveaway of something I made! It’s fat related: you can wear it and it’s fancy. I can’t wait :D

Which is why it’s really odd to me to see Lane Bryant coming up to a certain line in the sand (i.e: the word FAT!) and then scurrying away. Most of their market probably still abhors the word, and little wonder given the huge and unjust abuse that fat people have to cop. I get that they might not want to engage in activism for fear of alienating a chunk of their market. But the world is changing, and body acceptance is a transformative thing. In the last few years fat phobia and bigotry has not been put to bed, but more and more people are transmitting the radical and viral notion that FAT IS A DESCRIPTIVE WORD. The internet has been quite the fabulous medium for the new size activism, and the recent explosion in the fat-o-sphere of plus size fashion blogs surely attests to my entirely unscientific observation that fat people are making themselves more visible.

So, I’m kind of disappointed to wake up to this: a frowny-faced link to my “Does my fat arse look fat in this?” shirt. It demonstrates a failure to understand their market. Yes, I know I said the majority of their market were probably still living in fear of the F word however Lane Bryant are not talking to those people on Twitter. No, on this medium Lane Bryant are talking to tech savvy, social media loving fatties who are likely well acquainted with the fat-o-sphere and size activism online.

How did the market respond? By voicing their strident disagreement and slapping a hashtag on it. Thanks Lauren! Personally, I’m agog that something I did could garner this amount of attention but I’m not surprised that the fat-o-sphere would react this way. The internet has given us a soapbox, dammit, and we will climb on top of it and preach until the damn box breaks under our weight. We’re a smart bunch who use humour to cope with the reality of being a hated, stigmatised, and usually headless group of people. Who else would adopt the “deathfatty” mantle with pride while eating “two whole cakes” and “baby flavoured donuts” while dressing up like “fat satan”?

That’s why the shirt I designed isn’t insulting, it’s empowering. I will stand by that. Lane Bryant, this is how your market is changing and why you really need to pay attention to medium. You might get away with all that “real woman” bullshit in traditional media, but the fatties on the internet have reclaimed the F word and we are spreading the message. (Pass it on!)