Women who did not shave were rare in my teenage years, and they were labeled “hippies” or “ferals” or “lesbians” – always something derogatory, completely hetero-normative and in keeping with the masculine/ feminine paradigm. The femininity of these women was called into question, something shocking and unfathomable to young ladies who were only ankle deep in their womanly conditioning. Women who didn’t shave were also seen as smelly, lazy and anti-social; and in my early teen years even if I did question this bizarre practice of removing naturally occurring hair, I certainly didn’t want to be seen as unfeminine or stinky. Even more telling, self-identified feminists who refused to remove body hair were seen as bad, ugly and undesirable. By the time I got to my early 20s, I was just about fed up with having to shave my legs in order to wear a skirt but I still performed the act of hair removal because I feared rejection not just by romantic partners, but by society.

Recently I attempted to stop participating in the act of hair removal. I knew that it was on the list of Things To Do In Order To Be A Proper Female, and that it was a convention drummed into me by the media and my socialisation within middle class society. Being sensitive to packaging waste, I could see the sheer amount of packaging, handles, razor blades, and tubes and tubs of depilatory cream and wax that I’d ever used in my life would probably fill a small car. It didn’t seem right. I still kept it up. Perhaps not every day, but certainly when I was going out in public. I’d ask Nick if he minded that my legs were fuzzy, and every time he’d say he didn’t. Why was I even asking him? It’s my body!

When I saw a segment about razor blades on The Gruen Transfer (Season 3, Episode 8) I knew I had to find a moment to reflect on my body hair removal conditioning. I’m still so fearful of going out in public with hairy legs that I shaved about six months worth of perfectly natural leg hair off last week so I could go socialise with fashion people without wondering if they were secretly bitching about me being the fat, hairy lady!!

So let’s have a look at an ad that could be why we’re so caught up in removing body hair, even if we don’t want to:

When sleeveless dresses became fashionable, marketers saw an opportunity to make something perfectly natural unfashionable. This ad was published in Harper’s Bazaar in 1915 and according to The Gruen Transfer sales of hair removal products went through the roof – razorblade sales alone doubled in two years. Todd Sampson, one of the ad industry panelists, said it best:

Create the problem and make [people] feel self-conscious and have issues with self esteem when it comes to hair and then we solve that problem with a razor.

Surely, this can’t be a revelation to any of us in the western world. We know that advertisers and marketers create problems within our bodies and our lives, even if they are perfectly natural and normal bodies and lives, and then they offer a magical product to solve our new problems. Apply it anywhere, it’s the same old trick. Hand sanitisers, home scents, any product you see on Australian morning TV… we’re whipped into a frenzy of insecurity that can only be relieved with the topical application of a specific, ridiculous, product. The issue with hair removal is that it’s not ridiculous to us anymore because the tradition is so ingrained. Even if that tradition was manufactured within living memory!

Body hair isn’t unhealthy, dirty or gross so its objectionableness is a pretty laughable thing. Hair protects the skin from the elements, and it also serves as a barrier to prevent friction. Even people who insist that underarm hair contributes to body odor are incorrect. Underarm hair wicks perspiration away from the skin, so the bacteria that do produce odor can not form.

Even though I had a lapse, I’m going back to letting all the hair on my body grow naturally. It was actually a really interesting experience living with body hair. When I wanted to wear a short skirt or dress, I’d put on leggings to cover my leg hair. I was aware the shame wasn’t actually my own, that it was being projected on me by external factors, but I still felt the need to cover up. On windy days when I was bare legged, I felt the breeze actually lift individual hairs. It was curious and it was disturbing because in all my years of performing femininity I’d never experienced such a thing. I feel a little funny even writing about the experience so publicly, because I’m sure many women would find it unfathomable and gross. But no, I didn’t feel gross, it was very much like I had extra parts of my body with which I was able to sense and experience. Over 15 years of shaving had meant I’d never even noticed such a thing!

How do you feel about your body hair? What keeps you in the habit of removing it, or if you don’t, have you ever experienced being de-feminised? Is this topic an uncomfortable one for you? (It is somewhat discomforting to discuss it so publicly for me!)

One sits quite comfortably within the spectrum of fashionability if one is young, slim, of average height, with no visible disabilities, socially well-connected, and can afford to look fashionable. The fashion industry caters to the spectrum and seeks to make people within it feel welcome and included. Fitting in is not just easy, it’s taken for granted, and that’s part of the privilege people within the spectrum enjoy. It may not be so apparent to those people that there are people outside the spectrum who might find it difficult.

As a tall plus sized woman I might think it’s fairly obvious that I sit well outside the spectrum that the fashion industry caters to. In my mind, it shouldn’t take a great deal of observation to see that I am sized out of straight size fashion. My clothes look different, for better or for worse, and my possibilities for self expression are narrow. However, I’ve been utterly amazed by the amount of people who deny that my access to fashionable garments is limited. It’s not usually vicious either! An acquaintance whose partner runs a vintage clothing store recommended I check it out, and when I mentioned that vintage clothing to accommodate a 52” bust was scarce, well, he was surprised. Those who are catered to by fashion assume that pretty much everyone has the same degree of access – and that’s simply not the case.

Those outside the spectrum on the fringes are Othered and essentially excluded from enjoying the benefits of existing within the spectrum: for those with a disability, clothes may fit poorly or inhibit movement; garments could well be out of one’s price range; language, even a strong accent, may be a barrier to establishing social networks; or one may simply just not fit into fashionable garments due to being too tall/ short, plus sized/ petite. To many operating from within the spectrum of fashion, they might not be aware that many are just not comfortable socialising within the spectrum due to occupying the space of The Other.

Being othered by fashion affects one’s chances of networking further within the fashionable spectrum and in most everyday social contexts too, beyond complaints of clothes not fitting and being too expensive. If fashionable garments are not available, one has to make do with what is available. As a fat lady, I’m painfully aware that I have a handful of clothing options in Australia and online options in the UK and US. Plus size fashion usually lingers a couple of seasons behind the local fashion industry, so the outfits I roll up to events in are likely to draw a few questionable glances, and let’s be honest, a bit of “OMG what is she wearing!“. And that’s what I’m used to. It doesn’t make me feel welcome or included – it makes me feel like I oughtn’t be there. So by not ticking many boxes that gain me inclusion within the fashion industry I’m disadvantaged, but by making do with what is available and still turning up – I attract more derision which in turn makes me feel even more of a fraud! Many may choose not to get to know me further just because what I wear doesn’t meet a fashionable standard, or because my body doesn’t display clothes in a fashionable way.

It might be true that human beings make sense of the world by exercising judgment and grouping human beings together by characteristic, but that doesn’t mean it’s ideal or helps contribute to a better, more inclusive world. Fashion has a long way to go before it is democratised. It’d be great if fat people could wear amazing clothes, shit it’d be a good start if my husband could find a collared business shirt that fit his neck! While some fashion industry participants might be ignorant of barriers to involvement, I know a lot of the decisions leading to othering are financial too. I think we need to talk about that, as a community of human beings that are required by social convention to be clothed, because if we’re going to have standards just so human beings on the fringe can be looked down on – that’s pretty horrific and unjust. By blogging about the problematic parts I hope to contribute to a wider discussion of the issues, because I see democratisation as a pretty nice goal – but it’s certainly not happening right now just because a couple of bloggers sat in the front row of a runway show.

And at the end of the day – I still don’t have anything fashionable enough to wear to the Chambord Shine finals. It’s pretty bloody frustrating and upsetting.

Swimsuits, Facebook groups, and Ranty McRant Rants.
Adrienne buys a bikini and gets angry about people who try to deny her self esteem. I’m glad I got a trackback from her link back to my post, because I am always really heartened to see more people discussing better body image, advocating self acceptance and love. I was cheering along for Adrienne by the end of the post!

Crystal Renn on Her Skinny Photos: “I Don’t Look Like That”
There’s been a lot of discussion about Crystal Renn’s body, and how many people think she is losing weight. I don’t like to discuss other people’s bodies because their personal bodies are their personal business, but it was really awesome to read how Renn feels about the ways in which her body is used and discussed.

Disability is relevant to feminism because women experience disability, and because disability-related oppression often manifests in gender-specific ways. Disabled women are raped at a disproportionate rate. The bodies of women with disabilities are seen as public property, subjected to rude and invasive questioning.

Disability is relevant to feminism, part infinity: Study shows that long-lived women have higher rate of disability
A fantastic post about why you should be thinking about disability, especially if you’re a feminist.

Diets are not a girls best friend.
Dr Samantha Thomas is an awesome FA friend from Twitter who is one of Australia’s leading Health Sociologists with Monash University. Samantha has recently started a new blog after writing a couple of fantastic guest posts on other Australian FA blogs like Spilt Milk and Fat Heffalump. Do go have a read! This particular post is an analysis of a weight loss segment on Australian daytime TV show, The Circle, in which Magda Szubanski, Chrissie Swan and the other panelists discussed diet products. I’m glad I didn’t watch – I adore Magda and Chrissie, and seeing them peddle these horrible products really tarnishes my opinion of them.

“Using abortion as a form of birth control”
This whole post is full of, pardon my internet-speak, win. Abortion IS a form of birth control.

The Dangers of Standing Out
Victoria Suzanne writes about her experience wearing lolita outfits in public, in the city and in more regional areas, and the kind of hurtful and sometimes violent reactions she receives. I get so upset at hearing about the poor treatment of people who do not dress to conform. I have some experience of this when I was younger (having visible body modifications and wearing expressive outfits), and it was distressing.

Fat Acceptance, at its foundation, is about believing there is no such thing as an unacceptable body.

YOUR BODY IS FINE.

It doesn’t matter if your body is a size 4 or a 14 or a 24 or a 34 or AND SO ON. YOUR BODY IS OKAY.

Second Verse, Same As the First; Fat Acceptance Is For Everyone
Marianne writes a beautiful manifesto on how fat acceptance is relevant to every person, in every body.

Support the Twitterbetics!
A couple of my mates on twitter, @swimboi85 and @pressdarling, are fellow Type 1 Diabetics and I asked them if they’d like to do the JDRF Walk to Cure Diabetes and raise money with me. Our team name is Twitterbetics and we have the coolest mascot ever. If you’d like to sponsor us, we’d really appreciate it!

This has been an overwhelming and stressful week for me, so I have lain low in order to reflect and recuperate, but I wanted to mark this occasion with a post. Australia has a new Prime Minister, and she is a woman – an unmarried non-religious and childless woman! I’ve never felt so represented. It’s a remarkable thing but I hope it means that it won’t be remarkable in the future and I hope more people are represented at the highest offices in Australia too – not just the white males.

Change has happened so quickly in Australia this week, yet real change in terms of social justice happens so slowly. I know it scares most people, but I’m hungry for change. I am doing pretty well as a white middle-class woman with citizenship but other people in this country are not. I want to live in an Australia where Indigenous Australians have the same access to health and education as white Australians. I want to live in an Australia where women are paid the same as men for doing exactly the same damned job. I want to live in an Australia that shares its many opportunities and resources with people who are fleeing countries, desperate for help. I want to live in an Australia that invests in its young people and does not censor information. I want to live in an Australia that respects each precious individual and does not pander to corporations. I want to live in a fair country.

People have called me foolish and naive, and I have consequently hidden my politics but I have never changed them. I may support certain governments on many issues but I also hold them accountable for poor decisions on other issues with the same vigor. I can’t be ashamed of that, and I won’t be.

So we have a new Prime Minister, one who represents me more than any of the Prime Ministers that have looked after this country since I was born, but I am now even more encouraged to speak out about things that are important.

How NOT to advertise your bakery
If you’re going to use fat people as a mascot for your business, it’s best not to treat them like crap by dismissing their concern. Actually, just don’t uphold the characterisation of fat people as willing to put any food product in their mouths at a moment’s notice… because fat people know how to use the internet!

Newsflash: hate is not helpful
To remedy the sting of that first link, here’s a link to Elizabeth’s entry on why fat hatred is actually more harmful than it can ever be helpful. Pointing out someone’s fatness or correlating their physical appearance with health is damaging and none of your business.

Weight loss of 15% or more from maximum body weight is associated with increased risk of death from all causes among overweight men and among women regardless of maximum BMI.

- Study finds that weight loss increases the chance of death, via Fat Lot of Good. Bri is also fundraising to get to the Fat Studies conference in Sydney – if you can help out it means one of Australia’s most fabulous and vocal fat activists gets to present her paper!

Madonna, Lady Gaga, and Breaking the Male Gaze: A Close Reading of “Alejandro”
Lesley has written the best ever recap of Lady Gaga’s Alejandro video clip. Just go read it.

Love Letters and Cultural Appropriation: Gala Darling
Iris Hodgson has written a timely and thoughtful guest post for Julia of a l’allure garçonnière about Gala Darling and cultural appropriation. GD has since removed the “feather headdresses” sign off but has not actually faced up to any of the call outs on her blog, often deleting them rather than addressing these valid concerns! As a role model to thousands, this is pretty poor form.

On Reverse Cultural Appropriation
Still on cultural appropriation, shakepaper writes about colonialism and how reverse cultural appropriation (or indeed reverse racism) is a pile of defensive bollocks.

A Dose Of Reality: My Exclusive Interview With Biggest Loser Finalist, Kai Hibbard (Part 1 of 3)
Golda Poretsky interviews finalist Kai Hibbard from the US Biggest Loser series and some very telling (and ugly) things about our weight obsessed culture are made quite apparent. It tells of the distress many fat individuals feel, so much so that they are willing to put themselves in a situation where their health and well-being are jeopardised, supposedly in the very name of health! Golda also posted a reflection on the first part of this interview with Hibbard, and I highly recommend reading it too.

It’s highly unrealistic to have a picture of someone in your mind that never changes, yet it’s the simplest thing to do. I’m not a psychologist or nothing but I bet it’s because there’s so much information in the world. It’s easier to take a mental snapshot of a person, a friend, a family member, even an adversary and file it away, referring to it only when that person pops up. You might only need to pull up a snapshot when that person’s name is mentioned, if you run into them on the street, or come across them on the internet. That snapshot doesn’t really need to change, because for the most part, we cling to the things we know and the things that define us. Change is hard work! So when someone you know tweaks something small, and you come across them again, most people don’t stop and take another mental picture. You keep trying to compare them to the mental picture you have in your mind, and it can get confusing!

You might know me through my words and pictures, or you might know me as someone you hang out with in real life. You might even be my Mum. Hi Mum! You may have known me for a little while, or you may have known me for a few years. There are things about me that you know, that are part of your mental picture of Natalie Perkins. I like drawing and making stuff, I’m pretty opinionated, and I like to wear clothes. If you’ve known me for a while you might know more stuff, stuff that doesn’t really mesh with the things I love to talk about now. Like how I think criticising other people’s fashion choices is a hurtful thing, but… wasn’t I the girl who set up a community on the internet where people could say mean things about what other people are wearing? I was. If you remember it, you’re not remembering incorrectly!

A few people are asking me, now that my words are being read by a larger audience, how I can be the same person. It’s a fair question and it’s why I’m writing this post. I’m Natalie Perkins, ex-fashion snarker, current feminist and size acceptance activist and I went through a process of questioning the ways in which I took part in putting other women down, being called on my crappy behaviour, and making a resolution to change my mind. Lots of people think that changing your mind is a power struggle, that “giving in” and admitting that you’re wrong is a Bad Thing. I’ve got to tell you that is A Grade Crapola. That’s the power systems that favour you and afford you privilege trying to get you to resist change and that is one of the reasons why things are so crappy in this world. Another reason is because Arrested Development is not being made anymore, but it’s just a small sliver in the pie chart of Reasons Why The World Is Crappy.

I did not change my mind overnight. No, I am pretty stubborn. I take after my Dad. The fight I put up was drawn out and dirty and took place over months. I denied that my snarky behaviour was anti-feminist, I denied my racism, and I denied my privilege. Smart people, who really did not owe me anything and were not obligated to educate me, offered me links and discussed things with me but I stood my ground. No sir, I was not going to back down. But after a while, months even, things started ringing true. Making fun of people, who were mostly female identified, began to feel like I was part of the system of oppression that keeps women down. That didn’t feel good at all, but I COULD NOT GIVE IN!

Despite my stubbornness, I found myself snarking less. I could abide that, so long as I didn’t have to lose face by giving in! So I was coasting along, not having to admit my follies and engaging more and more in feminist discourse, when people started asking me questions. “Why aren’t you commenting in the snark community anymore?” Oh, I’m busy. Um… yeah. And then, “How can you justify being so loudmouthed and opinionated on women’s issues when you’re still a mod?” The penny dropped. It was time to own my behaviour. The question wasn’t offensive anymore, and I didn’t feel so weird about answering. I understood that I wasn’t losing anything by owning it and admitting I was wrong – I was gaining some excellent life experience and more to the point, I understood what it meant to be an actual feminist. Someone who isn’t afraid of admitting when she is wrong.

At the end of the day? A backflip isn’t a bad thing when you’re backflipping on hurtful behaviour. Protecting my ego was a selfish thing, and all the fat activism I engaged in was for naught if I couldn’t understand and front up to the realisation that I was a tool for putting people down. I’m still a mod of that community and if I’m honest, I’m at a place of confusion. Do I remain a member and a moderator, and call people on their hurtful words? Or do I leave, and never think about it again except to denounce it?

I don’t need a pat on the back. If you go through a similar process and expect a cookie, you’re not quite there yet. Change is a tool for growth and it helps you to be a more awesome human being, part of a more awesome human community. I think it’s our job to be re-evaluating, questioning, being questioned… all the time.

“if all you needed to get fat was eat an order of pancakes we’d all be fucked” by Natalie Dee

Well, well, well…isn’t this interesting…
Bri from Fat Lot of Good links to a letter in the Journal of the American Medical Association written by Professor Paul O’Brien, gastric banding advocate, in which he admits his failure to report financial disclosure in his study of gastric banding in adolescents. Professor O’Brien receives significant financial compensation from Allergan, the manufacturer of the gastric band. NOW TELL ME THAT THIS DUDE IS IN IT FOR PEOPLE’S HEALTH! What kind of doctor tells people that teenagers should undergo a hugely invasive procedure that will have negative impact on their lifelong health and lies about receiving funding from the manufacturer of the product he installs in people? A doctor who has questionable ethics, and a doctor who will never be charged with the care of my health.

The Secret Life of Burnout
I seem to burn myself out frequently, so I really REALLY appreciate this post on The Fluent Self. It’s funny how working so hard that you end up burning out is seen as this noble thing, and it’s NOT healthy at all. We should be recognising our limits, not shoe-horning things into our schedules until we reach breaking point. As a self-employed creative I feel like I have something to prove so I often take on more than I can handle… and it’s got to stop. I’ve got to start managing my workload in a way that doesn’t lead to feeling like I’m going to crumble under the weight of it all. If you’re a boss of people, I hope you read this and shift your expectations of your staff.

Hilarious! By CodeAires on tumblr.

The politics of the pocket
When I talk to women who don’t believe feminism is necessary I am fairly aghast because symptoms of oppression and the gender binary are as apparent as the clothes we are wearing.

Bras: Expensive, hard to find, hard to fit.
AND ANOTHER THING! Bras. The bane of my existence. Bras make me cry: shopping for them, paying for them, wearing them. Being fat and having a large cup size means that I pay at least 5 times as much for a bra than a straight sized person, because I can’t just go and get my size from Target and pay $15 for it. Oh no. World, are you hearing me? You force me to wear one of these painful contraptions and I have to pay a bollocks load for the displeasure. >:(

Slam poet Katie Makkai and her powerful piece “Pretty”.

DIY Clothes Tutorial: Making an Elastic Harness
I kind of love the idea of making one of these elastic harnesses especially since I’ve NEVER seen a fat person in one of these trend pieces.

Making a living as an artist
Marcus Westbury writes about how artists are representing and marketing themselves online, and it’s something I’ve noticed Hazel Dooney talking about as well. Often I feel self conscious and a little embarrassed about promoting myself so much but then I realise it’s what I must do as an artist these days! I can’t lounge around until I’m discovered, I’ve got to be proactive.

What it feels like to hate feeling famous
I adore Sia, and I think it’s so awful that people feel like they can intrude on her life in such a persistent and damaging way. While I get that it’s thrilling to meet someone whose work you’re really into, when’s the point where you leave that person alone to enjoy a quiet moment? They could be having a coffee catchup with a friend, or a special night with someone they really like! Lots of people claim that celebrities are to blame for being hounded to hell, but I think that’s a pile of crap most of the time. If you really admire someone’s talent, don’t pester them. (Can you tell I’m a RAGING introvert yet?)

Body Image is a Furphy
Last week was Body Image Fail week, and I’m not sure if a lot of international size activists caught the story, but it centred around blogger and spokesperson for body image in Australia, Mia Freedman, and language she used in a blog post that mocked and humiliated fat people (since edited, re-edited and then edited to death to remove most of the negative tone). Jackie rightly points out that in discussions about body image in Australia, and by the highest authority, healthy body image is denied to fat people. And that’s, pardon me, fucked up.

What If Black Women Were White Women?
This article is nearly a year old but it’s new to me, and hugely MASSIVELY powerful. Alienati0n challenges the power skew that favours white women, and flips the power balance so that black women are favoured and protected. This article blew my mind and unpacked a lot of the privilege that I as a white woman have, even after reading Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack a few times!

And Another Thing… The Black Dog
Much much love for Jordan, who discusses mental health issues (and being an artist!) on this post. I really think we all suffer for not talking about mental health more. This quote from panicattacks.com.au really speaks to me:

As children many people learnt from a very early age that they needed to become, ‘a good nice person’. To become the ‘good nice person’ they needed to stop the development of who they could be, and became who they thought they should be.

The end result of this is low self esteem, fear of being abandoned/rejected, that people won’t love or like us, and feelings of intense loneliness and helplessness. Being who we think we should be, creates enormous personal stress as we try to be perfect in every area of our life, including our inability to say ‘no’ even when we want and need to. Over time ‘something’ has to give and the development of an anxiety disorder begins.

As Fat As I Wanna Be
Tasha Fierce writes so many amazing posts, you should probably subscribe to her blog already. This was republished on Jezebel, but read the piece on her blog because the comments on Jez will make you want to facedesk enthusiastically. If people REALLY cared about a fat person’s health they would quit haranguing them about their weight.

Sleep Talkin’ Man
My sister used to talk in her sleep a little and it fascinated me, so when I came across this blog I was instantly hooked. I didn’t realise how funny this guy’s sleep talking would be! My favourite:

Jellyfish are attacking. Everybody grab your ice cream guns. Let’s get those little things!

Julie Ruin T-shirt Design Contest
Kathleen Hanna is running a contest to find a t-shirt design for Julie Ruin, the only one of her projects that hasn’t had a t-shirt! The competition closes on June 1st, so start drawing.

Sassyfrass Circus has a word on ableism.

The Young and The Feckless: Gen Y’s Biological Clock Talk Taboo
J Maureen Henderson asks why women can’t be vocal about advocating for their fertility future. As a woman who has never particularly wanted kids I felt a little like a stranger looking in, but there are a few truths here that I’d never even considered. Why is it so that many women who want kids usually tip toe around the matter with male partners?

Fatcast Episode 4: Fatshion! Part 1 (i.e., Turn to the left.)
Lesley and Marianne talk about fatshion being political, a topic I’m all over. When I put on clothes, I don’t just put on clothes, there’s a story behind what I wear because I don’t have easy access to fashion and because I am invested in my visibility. I recommend listening to this episode of Fatcast because it touches on so many things that I think about, not just academically, but in my everyday life.

Firstly, you know how I feel about body shame that is dressed up as fashion advice. It’s bogus. No one should be harassed, mocked or attacked for wearing clothes (or NOT wearing clothes). There is absolutely no weight limit on leggings or skinny jeans. There is, however, an abundance of people who are falling into a trap of being way too invested in what other people do, and wear. Why do they care so much? Probably because it gives them a sense of being better than other people, but that is a terrible foundation to build one’s self esteem upon. It’s a foundation that benefits business, not people, and it suits the beauty, fashion and weight loss industries to have every day people like you and I reinforcing arbitrary beauty standards that help shift units so people can feel better about themselves by putting other people down, therefore reinforcing arbitrary beauty standards (stop me before I get sucked into this infinite loop here guys).

I reject those arbitrary standards. I reject the imaginary line between skinny and fat, the line that’s a size 6 for some people and a size 14 for others. And if you’re friends with a fat person, they lose 4 imaginary dress sizes on the basis of that friendship (“Oh honey, you’re not fat! Don’t be so mean to yourself!”). I reject the beauty ideal. I reject the idea of the “flattering outfit”. I reject the gender binary. I reject being ladylike. These standards are not nobel things to uphold – they trap us, and constrict us. They push us into target markets so we can be sold things more easily. And while I can say with 150% gusto that I reject these things, I can’t help but toe the line sometimes without even realising. Societal conditioning is that strong, it’s that pervasive.

So when someone makes fun of me for: being fat, wearing “unflattering” clothes, looking like a man, being a bitch, having acne, not being polite or gracious, wearing too little perfume, wearing too much perfume, having gunk in my eye, wearing a t-shirt that shows my belly when I raise my arm, perspiring a lot or laughing too loudly… It’s totally personal, but then again, it totally isn’t. We all have a variety of unique and personal characteristics, and they might read a little differently depending on where you live, what you look like, how much you earn, the colour of your skin or what gender you are, but at the end of the day those criticisms are about hemming you in and disempowering you. I can’t even get angry at people who insult me anymore because I know most of us are conditioned to think this way.

I know for a FACT, despite the protestations in this particular facebook group, that seeing a fat person in leggings or skinny jeans will not cause injury. I’ve read quite a few comments from members who seem personally insulted when they see someone wearing something they don’t agree with. This is hyperbole. This is like when Mr. Burns (from the Simpsons) puts his arms in the air and flails them about. I like to imagine these people doing the Mr. Burns flail. It’s that comical to me. So, when I discovered the person who submitted my photograph to this group (please note, it’s NOT the group owner) I wrote her a message and I didn’t rip her a new arsehole. I just couldn’t, you know? Here’s what I wrote:

I am so privileged to have so many supporters, and I received a metric buttload of messages yesterday from so many wonderful people who reported the group, and the use of my photograph. I can’t help but feel sad for other people who have had their photo posted without permission, who don’t have so many people reporting the misuse of their images. I tried to go through and report as many as I could, and I encourage you to do the same. I’m not linking to the group, however, just because I don’t want to give it too much publicity.

Today I discovered that my photograph had been taken down by facebook but there are hundreds of other photos still up. I’m grateful that facebook actually took notice of the literal army of people who reported my photograph on my behalf, but it’s still sad that the group is still active. I don’t know the best way to combat this kind of harmful attitude, but I think discussion plays a big role. That’s why I wrote a note to the person who submitted my photograph, and that’s why I’m writing this blog entry. I want to contribute to productive discussion, even though a part of me wants to call them giant dirt-sucking arseholes.

Let me promise you, and me, one thing. I will NEVER stop being visible, online and offline because not only do I have a right to visibility, but when I make myself and my fatness visible I make this personal. I get the impression that members of this group don’t think the people in the photos they submit are real, but they are. And they write messages and blog posts, and have the support of the Fat-o-sphere as well as other allies, friends and family.