I have wanted to talk about the notion of the flattering outfit for a while now, because my Skinny Jeans post seemed to bring up a lot of discussion on the topic. For a lot of people, rejecting the haters and wearing what you want is a great message up to a point, [...]]]>

I have wanted to talk about the notion of the flattering outfit for a while now, because my Skinny Jeans post seemed to bring up a lot of discussion on the topic. For a lot of people, rejecting the haters and wearing what you want is a great message up to a point, but wearing anything that draws attention to perceived flaws goes a bit too far for comfort. I’d like to elaborate on my reasons for not being very invested in wearing flattering outfits, and how I’m pretty sure rejecting that practice benefits self esteem and body positivity.

When we talk about wearing clothes that flatter our personal body shapes, it’s a conversation that’s usually had between women. Most of the time it takes the guise of kindly advice, whether it be the advice of a person close to you or from some nameless fashion writer working for any glossy magazine. The message is usually the same: maximise things that are too small (usually just boobs), minimise bits that are too large, choose fabrics that drape well over lumpy sections and don’t make too much of a spectacle of yourself, girl. I’ve read well-meaning guidance that instructs tall women not to wear heels; encourages all women to be mindful of not aging themselves; decrees those with big bums to avoid skinny jeans (yeah right!); and helpfully suggests that women with all over chunk should avoid large accessories. I really enjoy having parts of my body reduced to “chunk”. No really. The sick thing is most of us talk to each other and ourselves like this; if your enemy called you chunky, shit would be on, but when your best friend does it you know she’s just concerned about how you look.

Restricting and policing women (and men, but women are certainly the overwhelming focus of body and fashion criticism in the western world) and their fashion choices under the guise of helping them look more palatable to other people is harmful and hurtful. That we are indoctrinated into feeling indebted to people for pointing out our “flaws” feeds into the cycle of shame, and the endless pursuit of some kind of really boring and generic idea of beauty. If you’re flat chested, you’re encouraged to dress to give the illusion of curves, and if you’re short you ought to employ vertical stripes to trick people into thinking you’re taller. Just two examples of ways to flatter your body into some kind of societal acceptance. It’s patently ridiculous to me, because even if I practice flattering dressing techniques – I AM STILL FAT. Other people know I’m fat too, but it’s almost like any steps I make towards apologising for my unacceptable body are deemed as suitable penance.

The other key issue I have with the notion of flattering is that it erases human beings and our natural diversity. Women are told to hide shameful lumps, bumps, wrinkles, disabilities and even skin tone. We’re being herded towards an ideal of average height, dress and shoe size (which suits the fashion manufacturing process perfectly), where each woman blends in perfectly. When every day I feel like I’m under attack for not fitting in, I have to be realistic about my odds of ever obtaining this manufactured mystical beauty. And I’m ok with that, you know, because beauty is pain (how often did I tell myself that as a teenager?) and beauty must be applied several hours before leaving the house, in lotions and creams and razors and aerosol cans and odd looking eyelash curler implements that never seem to work for me. We apply all this stuff to our person in the hopes of getting closer to the median beauty but in the process remove a lot of our natural attributes, replacing them with lofty aspirations and huge wads of shame.

This erasure on a personal scale is even more so evident in the way we dress ourselves. If I dress to trick people into thinking I don’t have a large tummy, and that I’m not indeed 175cm tall, I am nullifying parts of my body. My self. These parts belong to me and even if I flatter them away as much as possible, they still exist and I still see them when I stand naked in front of a mirror. Deluding others into thinking I have an acceptable body is one thing, but deluding myself is a terrible fraud with an immediate penalty. If I ignore it, it doesn’t go away and thus becomes a source of unhappiness. I don’t want to participate in this cycle of body negativity and I don’t want to propagate messages that hurt my own sense of esteem. If I engage in flattering dressing, I’m not just accepting that my own body is bad and terrible – I’m passing on the message to others. It disturbs me that dissatisfaction and unhappiness within our bodies isn’t just accepted, it’s encouraged.

Breaking the cycle of body negativity is hard work but being aware of your participation within it is crucial. I’m not just saying you should be conscious for other people’s sake – foremost in your mind should be your concern about yourself! If you’ve ever wanted to wear a garment but thought against it because of fears of how people will perceive you, I heartily encourage you to go forth and just wear it. If an outfit makes you feel comfortable and fantastic, but it doesn’t hide your knees or your height or your big boobs, sod it. Just wear it.

This war is personal and this war is being waged on you, from within your consciousness, and it seeks to inhibit your self expression and nullify your body. This war also works to nullify whole groups of apparently odd-looking people too: fat, old, tall, short, brown, and disabled (and more!) If you’re not white, able bodied and young, the overriding message being spruiked by the beauty, health and fashion industries is that you’re not good enough and that in order to be as beautiful as you can be you have to buy clothes and make up and diet pills and encourage all your friends to consume what you’re consuming. It’s a nasty yet profitable business. I think such frightening homogenisation of human beings is unjust, and if by wearing skinny jeans and showing off my fat arse I can undermine such policing with my visibility, I will do it. I’ve got no delusions of my fat bum saving the world but it makes me feel better not to comply with such a hurtful system, and I feel pretty damn good about myself while doing it.

“if all you needed to get fat was eat an order of pancakes we’d all be fucked” by Natalie Dee

Well, well, [...]]]>
Climb on your bathroom vanity and do your daily affirmations like this awesome young lady! I’m not a huge “affirmation” person but this is too cute.

“if all you needed to get fat was eat an order of pancakes we’d all be fucked” by Natalie Dee

Well, well, well…isn’t this interesting…
Bri from Fat Lot of Good links to a letter in the Journal of the American Medical Association written by Professor Paul O’Brien, gastric banding advocate, in which he admits his failure to report financial disclosure in his study of gastric banding in adolescents. Professor O’Brien receives significant financial compensation from Allergan, the manufacturer of the gastric band. NOW TELL ME THAT THIS DUDE IS IN IT FOR PEOPLE’S HEALTH! What kind of doctor tells people that teenagers should undergo a hugely invasive procedure that will have negative impact on their lifelong health and lies about receiving funding from the manufacturer of the product he installs in people? A doctor who has questionable ethics, and a doctor who will never be charged with the care of my health.

The Secret Life of Burnout
I seem to burn myself out frequently, so I really REALLY appreciate this post on The Fluent Self. It’s funny how working so hard that you end up burning out is seen as this noble thing, and it’s NOT healthy at all. We should be recognising our limits, not shoe-horning things into our schedules until we reach breaking point. As a self-employed creative I feel like I have something to prove so I often take on more than I can handle… and it’s got to stop. I’ve got to start managing my workload in a way that doesn’t lead to feeling like I’m going to crumble under the weight of it all. If you’re a boss of people, I hope you read this and shift your expectations of your staff.

Hilarious! By CodeAires on tumblr.

The politics of the pocket
When I talk to women who don’t believe feminism is necessary I am fairly aghast because symptoms of oppression and the gender binary are as apparent as the clothes we are wearing.

Bras: Expensive, hard to find, hard to fit.
AND ANOTHER THING! Bras. The bane of my existence. Bras make me cry: shopping for them, paying for them, wearing them. Being fat and having a large cup size means that I pay at least 5 times as much for a bra than a straight sized person, because I can’t just go and get my size from Target and pay $15 for it. Oh no. World, are you hearing me? You force me to wear one of these painful contraptions and I have to pay a bollocks load for the displeasure. >:(

Slam poet Katie Makkai and her powerful piece “Pretty”.

DIY Clothes Tutorial: Making an Elastic Harness
I kind of love the idea of making one of these elastic harnesses especially since I’ve NEVER seen a fat person in one of these trend pieces.

I’m so overwhelmed at the positive response to my Tell me about your body in 10 words or less project! At the moment there are 183 statements that people have contributed, which not only blows my mind [...]]]>

I’m so overwhelmed at the positive response to my Tell me about your body in 10 words or less project! At the moment there are 183 statements that people have contributed, which not only blows my mind but it makes me think that perhaps the zine (or book!) could be split into a few parts. I’m still mulling it over, but it’s a happy problem to ponder!

I really didn’t expect to feel so affected by each statement. Thank you for entrusting your feelings to me, it feels like I am creating an album of thoughts that all of us can perhaps identify with.

After going to TEDxBrisbane and seeing Dallas Clayton’s video on publishing “An Awesome Book” I have been feeling inspired to self publish a book. I’ve also been reading a few old zines, the FaT GiRL zines from the 90s in particular, and I [...]]]>

After going to TEDxBrisbane and seeing Dallas Clayton’s video on publishing “An Awesome Book” I have been feeling inspired to self publish a book. I’ve also been reading a few old zines, the FaT GiRL zines from the 90s in particular, and I thought I’d start out by publishing a zine on body image – your body image.

So, I put up a question on a Google Form: Tell me about your body in 10 words or less.

Lots of people have contributed their statements already! Some of them are sad, some are funny, but all of them speak to me of honesty and struggle.

So, how do you feel about your body? You can contribute too. You don’t have to put your real name, but a name is nice because I can illustrate your words and then attribute those words to you. The end product will be an A5 sized zine – I am yet to figure out the details, but I hope to have enough interest in the book to have it colour printed. I will also make the zine available online for free.

If you’re interested in a printed zine, please let me know so I can start figuring out numbers!

In a culture where negative self talk is actively encouraged most of us have days when we feel like we don’t measure up. This practice of comparing ourselves and our bodies with others rarely produces good outcomes. It’s such a damaging culture that even those [...]]]>

In a culture where negative self talk is actively encouraged most of us have days when we feel like we don’t measure up. This practice of comparing ourselves and our bodies with others rarely produces good outcomes. It’s such a damaging culture that even those with high self esteem aren’t immune. Even those who are activists, advocating for fat acceptance, aren’t safe.

When I find myself in these moments where I compare myself to others and despair at the ways I am lacking, I try to remember this. Some people are surprised that I can fight for size diversity, human rights and self-love so fiercely yet still be afflicted with bouts of crippling low confidence – but I’ve got to tell you right now, this is proof of our self-hating culture.

Margaret Cho, someone more eloquent (and hilarious) than I, says it really well.

Copy and paste this in a txt file, or make it your desktop. Read it all the time and remember it.

I just had my first ever pedicure and it was THE WEIRDEST EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE. Nick and I decided to pamper ourselves after all our intrepid plodding last week, and surprisingly Nick was the one who was enthusiastic about getting a professional to tend to our sore [...]]]>

I just had my first ever pedicure and it was THE WEIRDEST EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE. Nick and I decided to pamper ourselves after all our intrepid plodding last week, and surprisingly Nick was the one who was enthusiastic about getting a professional to tend to our sore feet. I was less into it because it takes a lot for me to let someone into my personal foot bubble of space.

Being pretty terrible at small talk I like to avoid most feminine-oriented beautification services (please see chapter 4: My Fear of Hairdressers) and I was quietly terrified when Nick looked up a place to get our marital mani-pedi. When the technician (I think that’s the proper job title!) put my feet in a warm bath that vibrated I started to get into it, but then she snuck her hands in the water and started rubbing my heels. Cue the freak out.

As more of the 75 minutes of pedicure torture ticked over I awaited the next attack on my poor unsuspecting feet. Exfoliation, massage (I actually liked that bit), some foot… shaving with a pumice paddle, a bunch of oily moisturising stuff slathered from toes to calves, and then… the paraffin wax. I thought my blood was going to boil in my veins, it was so hot! After it cooled it sort of felt nice, despite the squicky feeling of stuff between my toes. After having some time to myself while the wax set I grossed myself out by thinking about how much dead skin had been sloughed off in that little room. Ew. Finally it was time for some polish – a pale pink.

The whole process was a little bit shocking to me, having never participated in such an experience before. Once I tuned out a little bit and had a giggle at all the hilarious comments on the Grill’d blog post I started to feel like I was being rightfully pampered. I’m sorry to the lovely woman who professionally tended to my feet, I’ve totally forgotten your name, but seeing as you’ve handled these feet I feel we are the most intimate of friends now.

I love playing with how I look, by and large I’m pretty fortunate to live in a country where I am free to do just so. I may get odd looks, people whispering behind their hands and others who simply express their delight/ confusion to my face; as an introvert it’s not really my [...]]]>

I love playing with how I look, by and large I’m pretty fortunate to live in a country where I am free to do just so. I may get odd looks, people whispering behind their hands and others who simply express their delight/ confusion to my face; as an introvert it’s not really my favourite part about being “wacky”, but I guess it’s par for the course. We have been trained all our lives to tuck ourselves in, to blend in with everyone else and to avoid marginalising ourselves (if you’re privileged you’re fortunate enough to get to choose this!) and those who do not are accused of crying for attention. It’s really not as simple as that.

As a fat person I have been instructed by society through implicit and explicit signals that I should not be visible. Obviously, if you know anything about me, you’d know I think that’s a load of rubbish. As a woman, I have been instructed in other ways to be ever polite, kind, beautiful and ladylike. I also think this is rubbish. We are taught to keep our knees toghether, but why? To hide our bodies (our genitals, mostly) from the view of people (who in all likelihood have genitals also); to maintain a feminine mystique; to reinforce this systematic conditioning that sets us up as enemies with our bodies? Why are bodies supposed to be such secret hidden things? And sidenote: what is so offensive about people wearing tights as pants? I really don’t understand the outrage!

I look how I look because I very consciously question societal gender and body conditioning. I know it challenges a lot of people, my parents especially, but I just couldn’t be me if I did everything everyone wanted me to. My self esteem directly benefits from this, because I’m not as concerned with hiding bits of myself as other people are (even though I still battle this!)

So I have crazy hair styles, wear the outfits I wanna and let my laughter ring like a bell (reportedly a very LOUD bell.) If people take issue, it’s not my issue! I do not dress for other people. I may dress to an occasion but I am VERY adamant about not seeking the approval of other people when I style myself. I feel that it plays a huge part in compromising your confidence and esteem. I put make up on, tease my hair, and put together outfits as a way of expressing how I’m feeling; or if I’m feeling glum, to express how I want to feel.

I find identity and styling fascinating, and would love to know: am I alone on this? Do you think about how you style your body, or is it just about putting on clothes every day?

The other day when I was getting ready to go out I thought I’d record my ritual. This is my “bare minimum” face for being presentable outside my house and I’ve done it since I was in my teens. I have acne that is impervious to over the counter treatments (believe me, I’ve wasted [...]]]>

The other day when I was getting ready to go out I thought I’d record my ritual. This is my “bare minimum” face for being presentable outside my house and I’ve done it since I was in my teens. I have acne that is impervious to over the counter treatments (believe me, I’ve wasted so much money!) so make up has always been my mask. I feel very self conscious if I am without foundation and in a way, it is quite limiting having this anxiety about showing my real face. I guess this video is about unveiling my mask and my ritual, more than anything.

The song “Marie-Claire” is by Elfes, and the lyrics are in French but when I passed them through Google Translate (I hope that link works!) they spoke about body image anxiety – so I thought it was rather appropriate!

I think everyone picks themselves to pieces – even the most seemingly confident of people. Sometimes I think that my low self-esteem exists so that I don’t get too full of myself, and other times it really gets me down. I’m very guilty of comparing myself against other people (in terms of fashion, looks, [...]]]>

I think everyone picks themselves to pieces – even the most seemingly confident of people. Sometimes I think that my low self-esteem exists so that I don’t get too full of myself, and other times it really gets me down. I’m very guilty of comparing myself against other people (in terms of fashion, looks, professional skills, etc!) and it’s only this year that I’ve decided to become conscious of myself when I do it, and try to turn it around. It’s rather hard! I was stoked to see that Georgie Love, Frocks & Frou Frou and No More Mumus have started a mini-meme in the Australian blogging sphere, and they’ve answered the $64 million question, “What do you love about yourself?” So now I’m going to do it!

What I love about myself:

• I seem to be able to pull off nearly every hair colour.
• My sense of humour and general irreverence.
• My lips, which I used to be teased for!
• My height.
• I’m willing to give anything a go.
• I love that my hands create things.
• My drive to keep learning.
• My problem solving and resourcefulness.
• How one of my eyes is half brown.
• I’m nice.
• My eyebrows (over tweezing when I was 15 lead to low maintenance brows!)
• I’m willing to go out on a limb to make people feel comfortable or happy.
• My passion.
• Last of all! I love that I am a billboard for myself. I love that I don’t take myself too seriously. I am not afraid to express myself through my body, clothes, art, blog etc etc etc!

You are now under strict orders to blog about how much you love yourself! If you don’t have a blog, leave a comment ;)